I'm back again. After I got my call from RE's office telling me my IVF was a BFN I decided to go to the gym. Now don't get the wrong idea, it's not like I go to the gym all the time and I'm Buffy the Body or anything close to that, I'm more like Fluffy the Body and I haven't been to the gym to work out since I got my membership in February. I just felt I needed to stay on a positive note and I figured I should go work out and try to lose some of this extra poundage I put on using the steroids for IVF. I gained 7 pounds in that short amount of time. Seven more pounds I can't afford to pack on my lovely FLUFFY body. I figure, if I could get up every morning at around 8 to poke needles in my belly, why not have the same discipline and get up every morning from here on out around 8 and get on the treadmill. Now I don't know how long this attitude will stick around, but I'm going to give it a try. Surprisingly I'm not depressed at all or maybe I'm just in shock. I believe God is going to carry me through this BFN. Last time my devastation was immediate when I got my last BFN. I think I only cried twice today. I will admit when I went to Wal-Mart to get me some Lean Cusine meals for my lunch at work next week my eyes did get a little teary when I went past the baby section. I guess it will take me a while to get over the BFN, I actually had six sets of full names picked out in the event that I might end up with triplets. One set for boys and one for girls. I did take my baby naming book and put it back in it's place under my bed. I don't feel like looking at that today. I didn't go crazy and tear up the sonogram they give you on your transfer day like I did last time I got BFN. I took this one and put it up.  I'm very worried about DH, he seems to be taking it harder than me. Earlier today he said no to adoption, although I hadn't even mentioned it. Now this evening he wants me to ask my DS sisters if they know anything about the adoption process. That's a start I guess.  Last time we got BFN I think it almost cost us our marriage because instead of us turning to each other for comfort we both pretty much shut down and didn't discuss our feelings about BFN that much. A marriage can't survive without communication. I know this is silly of me, but I'm somewhat afraid that one of these days DH is going to get tired of BFN and regret marrying me. He hasn't ever given me a reason to believe this, I guess it's just me feeling guilty because most of the IF problems are me. He has low motility but that problem can be solved with ICSI. I'm not going to let that thought get me down either, if he should ever leave then I guess that would be part of God's plan too. I'm talking crazy, I don't know why I feel like that, I've been with him since I was 17 and I'm 31 now and he's been nothing but good to me. I guess that's just that stupid self pity trying to creep in. I beleive we both will be alright. Well, God bless and lots of sticky baby dust to all of my DS sisters.