Yesterday was wonderful for me, no stressing. I went through the whole day without feeling like I was about to lose it. I really felt at peace. My DH was losing it because today was the end of our 2WW. He didn't even sleep at all last night, he woke me up periodically during the night to tell me that he couldn't sleep, he was too nervous. I slept like a baby. This morning I woke up and I wasn't that nervous, maybe just a little bit. I go to the lab and had my blood drawn at approx. 8 this morning. I come back home and wait for the results, my DH has the phone resting on the bed and every so often he picks it up to make sure it's still there, I guess. I fall back to sleep for about an hour, I'm still not stressing. At about 1:45 this afternoon one of the rude nurse's from my RE's office calls and tells me the test was negative. She tells me my BETA was 0. I thank her and hang up. I wait for the tears to come and they don't. I start to wonder what's wrong with me, why am I so calm. I go out on the front porch and the tears start to stream down my face, but I don't feel anythng like I did the first time my IVF failed. I guess I was kind of expecting this. I guess the peace I felt leading up to this was God's way of preparing me somewhat for the storm that was about to come. I don't know what to do now. I was truly hoping this was going to be my time, I guess all the symptoms I was feeling was from all the hormones I was taking. My DH said "I guess it just wasn't meant for us to have kids. I don't want to adopt, I want my own kid." I feel so bad for him, you know guys just don't talk about their feelings the way that women do. I don't know if I want to TTC again. This is just too painful for me. I feel so empty, I feel so let down. I feel soooo bad, but only a few tears will come, off and on. My head is starting to hurt and I have a feeling when AF comes that will probably be when I reach my breaking point and the tears will come and I will really release my pain. I just don't understand. I'm not blaming myself, I know I didn't do anything wrong, I took it really easy this 2WW. I just can't help but feel like maybe God isn't happy with me although I know I'm not a bad person. I just don't understand. I want to thank all of my DS sisters, I have learned alot from you all. One of the most important things I learned from you all is that I have nothing to be ashamed of. I'm not a freak of nature. I'm a strong woman that has IF issues. Maybe someday I will try again, but right now I have to pick myself up and realize I can't let IF consume my life. If I spend all of my time only concentrating on TTC and not truly living life I will have missed out on the chance to truly enjoy the life and wonderful DH that God has blessed me with.  So ladies, please pray for me and I will do the same for you. I wish you all BFP's and lots of baby dust on your IF journeys. I will still come to DS because I have gained so much strength from you all and I hope that maybe my story will help someone else. Talk to you all soon.