Saturday morning
Good morning SOTH's........School finally has ended for this school year! I am so thankful to be @ home for 7 weeks without the demands of work. I have all these plans to "do" but we all know how that goes...sitting is good too. LOL
Hunter is doing well - right now he is on vacation in New York having a great time. Bryn has posted so many pictures on FB which is great for me to keep up with their travels. He'll be home June 25th. I have such peace about his iiving situation now - I'm grateful.
After so many months of talking about the retreat and planning for it and researching it and feeling like it was right, I'm unable to attend. I have had a couple of financial things come up and as the time gets closer, the financial cost of the retreat just isn't going to work for me this year. I would so love to meet you all, but it is what it is.....I rarely plan for things anymore, as when they don't work out, I become very disaappointed....so that's where I'm at - disappointed - but @ peace @ the same time.
I'm doing okay - if someone would have told me that 31 months from now, you will be okay, I would have said "no way" - I've just lost my life that fateful night in the hospital....I've lost my identity as a mom... I've lost.........everything.....but I'm here now putting one foot in front of the other every day....trying to take care of myself when I need to and slowly starting to reach out to others.....last Saturday, as part of a bible study I have been attending, we volunteered @ "The Blessing Center" - basically they hand out boxes of food, hygiene essentials and have a small room with clothes that they can take if need be. I was placed @ a counter with hygiene essentials - as people passed by, they asked for toilet paper, shampoo, deoderant, vitamins, combs, diapers, wipes.......I smiled, handed out things for 2 hours - some would not give eye contact, some appeared to be embarassed that they were even in a line like this...others, smiled back and said Thank you, God bless. It was a great morning and I realized how blessed I am. I have all those essentials that they don't have or can't afford....I lost my daughter and every day I miss her, everyday I'm looking @ others thinking - be grateful for your kids - Everyday, I want to hear Jennifer's voice, feel her next to me....everyday........but I'm learning to be grateful in the here & now....I'm learning to feel my Jennifer in a different way now.....I'm learning........
Sending big hugs to you this Saturday morning.....((((((((hugs))))))))))) Vicki
Hunter is doing well - right now he is on vacation in New York having a great time. Bryn has posted so many pictures on FB which is great for me to keep up with their travels. He'll be home June 25th. I have such peace about his iiving situation now - I'm grateful.
After so many months of talking about the retreat and planning for it and researching it and feeling like it was right, I'm unable to attend. I have had a couple of financial things come up and as the time gets closer, the financial cost of the retreat just isn't going to work for me this year. I would so love to meet you all, but it is what it is.....I rarely plan for things anymore, as when they don't work out, I become very disaappointed....so that's where I'm at - disappointed - but @ peace @ the same time.
I'm doing okay - if someone would have told me that 31 months from now, you will be okay, I would have said "no way" - I've just lost my life that fateful night in the hospital....I've lost my identity as a mom... I've lost.........everything.....but I'm here now putting one foot in front of the other every day....trying to take care of myself when I need to and slowly starting to reach out to others.....last Saturday, as part of a bible study I have been attending, we volunteered @ "The Blessing Center" - basically they hand out boxes of food, hygiene essentials and have a small room with clothes that they can take if need be. I was placed @ a counter with hygiene essentials - as people passed by, they asked for toilet paper, shampoo, deoderant, vitamins, combs, diapers, wipes.......I smiled, handed out things for 2 hours - some would not give eye contact, some appeared to be embarassed that they were even in a line like this...others, smiled back and said Thank you, God bless. It was a great morning and I realized how blessed I am. I have all those essentials that they don't have or can't afford....I lost my daughter and every day I miss her, everyday I'm looking @ others thinking - be grateful for your kids - Everyday, I want to hear Jennifer's voice, feel her next to me....everyday........but I'm learning to be grateful in the here & now....I'm learning to feel my Jennifer in a different way now.....I'm learning........
Sending big hugs to you this Saturday morning.....((((((((hugs))))))))))) Vicki
Replies
I smile as I remember what these days of summer vacation feel like when I was a teacher. The \"To Do\" list is always there and time just to BE is the best.
Woo Hoo for Hunter and this wonderful time he must be having. Peace to your heart around him as I know it\'s not felt that way for you.
There will be other retreats and we each do what we can when it comes to them. I understand about not planning anything too far ahead because life changes in a nano second.
Those feelings of gratitude for what IS are huge in our healing and learning how to BE in relationship with Jennifer now is a steep learning curve, yet one that the moms who are a few steps further along have been teaching me. I invite Douglas everywhere and ask him to be with me and to help guide me and sometimes I almost feel closer to him now than ever before. It\'s a process indeed and one we are learning how to live with together.
I really appreciate your update, knowing how you are feeling and send bunches of LOVE to you sweet friend.
Hand in hand, Heart to heart,
XO Joanie
I always look forward to your posts. I get so much from them God Bless all my friends I will always rely on your strength, thank you, xoxo
I probably won\'t make it to the Retreat, either. It\'s too close to when the baby is due.
Sounds like \"The Blessing Center\" is a good place to volunteer. And it sounds like you received a blessing as much as the people in line did!
Love & Hugs,
Donna
Doing okay is a huge thing! It takes a long time to come to that point.
It sounds so encouraging that Hunter is doing so well. And I\'m glad you approve of his living arrangement. That brings peace knowing he is well cared for.
I hope you have a nice summer and squeeze in some fun things for you along with the \"to do\" list. Very nice of you to work with the \"Blessing Center.\" Giving back in such a way, honors our child with kindness.
Hugs,
Debbie
It is great that you now have some ME time. Hunter sounds like he is doing great now. I know it gives you a sigh of relief that Hunter is in a sound and grounded environment. Enjoy your summer.
Hugs
Penny
So happy you are finding some Peace!!!
You are really doing great, Vicki! Yes, it is a big comfort to be okay, sensing our children near us, and knowing that they are at peace now. Giving our time and energy to others in need, is a huge blessing! Enjoy your well deserved holiday!!
Warm hugs! xxx
Congrats on your summer vacation! You surely deserve some peace and relaxation! And remember that the \"to do\" things can take a back seat for a while.
I\'m so glad to hear that Hunter is doing well. He must be having such a wonderful time in New York. He is in my neck of the woods now. The weather has been great here by the way.
The Blessing Center sounds like a true blessing for all those in need and so good of you to help out. I think it\'s a healing for everyone in one way or another.
I\'m so sorry that you can\'t make the retreat. I would love to meet you. But like you said, \'it is what it is\".
I hope your summer vacation is blessed with peace, joy and love!
Love and hugs,
Diane
How did I miss this post??? I am glad you are off for the summer; but sorry that you aren\'t able to come to the retreat. I hear you when you say that you don\'t plan much anymore. It is disappointing when things happen to mess things up!
I am so happy to hear that Hunter is in a good place. That certainly takes a load off you. You will be able to enjoy the holiday!
Of course you miss Jennifer. I miss Lisa every day and I shed a tear or 2 almost every day but we do learn to live and enjoy life as well. Like you, I saw no future after Lisa died. Now, I really believe that we are sent here for a purpose. When we have accomplished it, we leave. It ticks me off big time that Lisa\'s time was so short but it is what it is. In the meantime, I listen for signs - usually noisy birds and smile and say \"HI Lisa\"
Tight hugs, M