Wednesday
Hello SOTH - it's the middle of my work week and time just seems to be moving along rather quickly. Work is okay, learning to work through the maze of co-workers conversations which sometimes is a full time job in itself! The vice-principal here has 2 daughters who live about 500miles away - both are teachers, married, etc. The other day, one of those beautiful daughters came to the school to surprise her mom for a week-end visit - hearing her daughter say, "I've missed you mom" brought tears to my eyes and found myself taking a walk around campus to "get myself together".....I want to hear those words....ONCE AGAIN, I don't fit sometimes with others.
Hunter is doing well - grades are good and the adjustment seems to be going okay. He is in counseling and I just try to look at the positive. There are some things going on with him, but another time will talk about that - too close to my heart to talk about it. He sure looks like Jennifer - I will upload pictures this week-end that I took of him @ the beach a couple of weeks ago.
The week of Thanksgiving, Jim is taking me on a cruise - if I told you already, sorry. Anyway, we will be leaving 11/22 and returning 11/29 - leaving out of Long Beach, going to Cabo San Lucas, Mazatlan, Puerto Vallarta. Jennifer's angelversary date is 11/26 so to be on the water, in Mexico, will be perfect for me to BE whatever it is I need to BE. It was sweet of him to do this and I am looking forward to it. We have been to Mexico many many times and taken this cruise multiple times so to be familiar with where we are going gives me comfort. New surroundings sometimes freaks me out. Someone said the other day, I can't believe it's been 2 years that Jenn has been gone - I thought - I can believe it....everyday seems like an eternity that I have talked to that girl of mine, or touched her, or argued with her....I can believe it - my heart aches everyday.
Just catching you up - hope you have settled in since the retreat...love those pics.....
((((hugs))))) Vicki
Hunter is doing well - grades are good and the adjustment seems to be going okay. He is in counseling and I just try to look at the positive. There are some things going on with him, but another time will talk about that - too close to my heart to talk about it. He sure looks like Jennifer - I will upload pictures this week-end that I took of him @ the beach a couple of weeks ago.
The week of Thanksgiving, Jim is taking me on a cruise - if I told you already, sorry. Anyway, we will be leaving 11/22 and returning 11/29 - leaving out of Long Beach, going to Cabo San Lucas, Mazatlan, Puerto Vallarta. Jennifer's angelversary date is 11/26 so to be on the water, in Mexico, will be perfect for me to BE whatever it is I need to BE. It was sweet of him to do this and I am looking forward to it. We have been to Mexico many many times and taken this cruise multiple times so to be familiar with where we are going gives me comfort. New surroundings sometimes freaks me out. Someone said the other day, I can't believe it's been 2 years that Jenn has been gone - I thought - I can believe it....everyday seems like an eternity that I have talked to that girl of mine, or touched her, or argued with her....I can believe it - my heart aches everyday.
Just catching you up - hope you have settled in since the retreat...love those pics.....
((((hugs))))) Vicki
Replies
Enjoy that cruise..the sun and water can be cathartic ..
It is good that you are getting away for the angelversary. I try to plan a vacation right around Jason angelversary but sometimes it doesn\'t work out.
Breaking apart when you here those words from other like \'Mom I missed you\' will never stop hurting. At least it hasn\'t for me yet and it\'s going on 5 years now....OMG it doesn\'t seem possible. I miss him every day and cry so often still. I don\'t think it will ever stop. But I can put it in the background now and do and think of other things. It took a long to get to that point.
It is good to hear from you Vicki! I still get jealous at times when I see moms and daughters. I hear you when you say you don\'t fit with others. I think the only ones we do fit with is one another. We know what is under the smiles. We know the eternities it has been since we hugged our kids, be it a week or 20 years.
I am so glad you are going on a cruise. The water is healing and you can just be.
Love and tight hugs, M
After being a school secretary for many years, I know what it is like to work among conversations. You really can\'t get away from it. Teachers can be really loud, not to mention friends and family that come to visit them. I also hear you about missing our children\'s voices and what they would say to us if they could. I really miss that! I don\'t feel like I fit in anymore either, all the talk about children, grandchildren, etc. but I do try to listen intently and enjoy other people\'s stories. We will be attending a church class on grief. I am both dreading it and looking forward to it, hoping to make friends and help others with their loss. It will be wonderful for you to get away on the cruise and I wish you a peaceful and healing trip. Sending love and prayers, Leda
I don\'t fit in with others either...I am not of this world. I am very, very jealous of mothers with daughters, I can\'t help it.
It\'s hard not to fit in. I\'m jealous when I see moms with their sons. I find myself avoiding them. I\'m glad Hunter is doing well and hope you have a fabulous time on your cruise.
Vicki, I agree it\'s so very hard to be around others in their normal life when ours are so not normal, or the new normal!!!
The vacation cruise sounds just perfect, hoping it is just what you want and need. Peaceful sailing. Hugs, Kathy
The cruise sounds just right and I\'m grateful you will have that to look forward to during a tender time.
Oh, those conversations that we overhear can bring up so many emotions and you are so wise to tap into what you need and take a walk. Getting moving is something that helps me so much too.
Always big sighs of relief when our loved ones are doing well and I\'m sure Hunter is receiving much support. To have you closer has to mean the world to both of you.
Hang in there for Halloween as I certainly remember how it was on the elementary level. Just a wild and crazy day pretty much! Not sure how your school handles it?
Lots of love my friend and tight (((hugs))) of care,
XO Joanie
Yep, those words....\"I\'ve missed you\"....\"I love you\"....ok how we ache to hear them!!! There have been many times I\'ve had to \"run and hide\" as others have celebrated things I knew I would never celebrate.... Eventually, I\'ve found the joy in others celebrations, but it still gives me a stab in the heart.
The cruise sounds wonderful and I\'m glad you\'re able to look forward to it. I always like being somewhere other than home on Jan 2 (angel day). Looks like we may be going to see The Biltmore during that time, and I am excited about that.
Good to hear Hunter is doing well, and if/when you\'re ready to share more, we are here to listen and to LOVE you. He is in my thoughts and prayers.
Tightest of heart hugs sweet friend~Teri
enjoy your cruise and taking that walk around after hearing those words,,,, my eyes would have been misty..... love ya!
What a sweetie your husband is. You 2 enjoy that cruise....you deserve a vacation of peace.
Hope you have a wonderful time on the cruise. Will be thinking of you on Jennifer\'s angel-versary date. I know that 2 years seems like forever to you...
Love & Hugs to your precious Jennifer, her AWESOME Mom, HER sweet Mom & amazing Hunter, too!!!
Donna
Your journal reminded me of a time at work shortly after my son died. A co-worker from another department walked over to my desk to let me know that her two sons were coming into the office for a visit. She wanted to know if I would like to come over to her desk in a couple of hours to meet them. I was floored at the time. It felt like she had stabbed me in my already broken heart. I know that this was an innocent gesture on her part but it hurt like hell at the time. Actually, to this day I feel a stab of pain when I see mothers with their sons. I just miss my buddy so darn much.
I\'m glad to hear that Hunter is doing well and may you have a peaceful and joyfully fulfilling time on the cruise!
Love and hugs,
Diane