Happy Tuesday!!I'm doing good today. It seems like everyone around me is having issues and somehow I'm inadvertantly involved, so that's the weird part, cause it makes ya feel like you shouldn't be so happy, ya know? Well, Anthony is now living at my house. He is 6 months older than my son Damien, and his sister Amanda is 16 and she considers me like her mom, too, and she is living with a friend. Long story short, I was best friends with their mom for 30 yrs and without warning--her and my (EX) husband ran off together in 2003 and the rest of "our lives" went into turmoil. Then, fast fwd, and then both my ex and her turned into crack-heads, abandoned all the kids, and she dumped her kids off at their biological dad's, who could care less about them, 2 yrs ago, and they haven't heard from her, until now. No calls on their birthdays, no holidays, no letters, NOTHING AT ALL!! She wrote Amanda a letter saying that she allegedly has her shit together now, and has for 4 months, and is living in Tenn. and is sorry and wants forgivness and wants to know what to get them for Christmas....WHAT?!?!?! I wish this whore would just go away!! She has done SO MUCH damage!! She has hurt these kids in every way and now she wants to say sorry and act like nothing ever happened? I told Amanda that she should go very slow, because she could quite possibly (most likely) get hurt again. The best case screnario would be she would slowly get a piece of her relationship with her mom back, but the worst case scenario would be getting hurt all over again, which could destroy Amanda (and Anthony). Well, we didn't know that Anthony knew about the letter and decided not to tell him just yet, cause he's going through a lot right now, but a couple of hours later, we found out that Anthony was told about the letter and his reply at that time was, "I'll believe it when I see it" Cause I don't believe it!" Whoa. What do I do?? It took me years to get this chick and the nightmares out of my head and out of my life!! I can't blame and hate her kids for what she has done to me, so I love them and take care of them because like I said...I've always been like their mom, and she isn't even in this state, and also, my son, Damien has grew up with them like brother and sister since day 1! I could use some advice on this one. I have some anxiety about the impending drama that could soon hit, cause she's talking about wanting to come up for xmas, and if Anthony wants to see her, he lives at my house now, and I won't allow her at my house, so he would have to figure something else out, but I don't even know if he would want to see her. And, I don't wanna deal with the aftermath when she leaves, if they do see her, ya know?......ugh!!! Well, like I said, I'm doing okay and staying tough and strong and calm, but I am also worried about all of this. I guess I would like some advice.God Bless ALWAYS!!Sam
Replies
Ok..this is a tough one. If you let things lay low then they may work themselves out. you can\'t really keep the kids from their mom but you don\'t really have to give them back to her either. If she tries to go through te law or courts she may have to take a drug test & her hubby, They may not push it that far. Let the kids make the call. Maybe she\'ll sign them over to you if she is allowed to see them sometimes. I would just lay low and pray....I think about it..Val
If she insists on coming up for christmas, IWOULD NOT allow her to stay at your home. She can make other arrangements. You dont owe her a thing. Then I would only allow her to see said child for x amount of time supervised in your homeor other agreed place, be sure it is public place or someoen you know well. No matter what it should be supervised!!! Id she does or says anything to upset children, the visit is over immediately. You are raising the one so you do have say. But if one of them don\'t want to see her. you cant force them to. Dont talk badly if her in front of the children, let them form their opinion on their own. Trust me it works out better this way. Good Luck...Julie