Happy Tuesday!!    

I'm doing pretty good today!  The pain in my neck is pretty excruciating, though.  this osteo-arthritis can really effect your life!!  I missed my chiropractor's appt last week due to being so sick, so I'm really feeling the pain!!  I'm still nervous about Friday with the Sub. Dr., but I know everything will be alright!!  God will be watching out for me, and know that I'm doing the right thing by getting off of these!!  I know I won't be on the Suboxone that long, cause I actually only want them to stop the horrible physical withdrawls, since that's the only part that I cannot handle at all!!....then I can taper off the suboxone and be free AGAIN!!  I have so much crap going on here at work and at home, it's a wonder I'm sane at all...LOL!     When I go to the naabt website, I see success stories of people, and that makes me happy and gives me hope.  I feel bad for those that have to take the sub. or Methadone for a long time, though.  I think weaning/tapering and they could all eventually get opiate-free.  I know some are stronger than others and the way I see it is, Methadone and/or Sub forever is WAY better than pain pills for life!!  I know there are people out there a lot stronger than me, too, but we can only do what we can handle and are able, right??

I have that nasty vicodin taste in my mouth and I'm so tired of tasting that and choking on huge amounts of them!!  The sooner I can get my life back, the better!!!  There are so many things I want to do in life, and this addiction stops my dreams dead in their tracks!

I had a weird reality thought a while back, after hurricane Katrina, when I was pain-pill-free and clean....  I thought to myself looking at the pic's of people, so desperate, and everyone and everything looked so sad....what if I was one of the survivors and I was stuck there with no pain-pills and had this addiction and I had withdrawls??  There would be no way out and no help, before going through that horror!!  I kept thinking THANK GOD I'm not that person anymore......well, I'm that person again, but not for long.  I'm somewhat excited about the appt with the Dr.  Ya know, for a long time I've been thinking about moving out of state and the biggest thing stopping me is "geez, where would I get my pills?".....It's strange how this addiction effects me.  When I get better, I will have the world at my finger tips and if I wanna move out of state, nothing and I mean nothing will stop me!!

I have a lot of obsticles in my life right now, but I'm trying to stay very very positive and even if I have to fake happiness, eventually happiness will be my reality.

Welp, back to work.  Till next time.....God Bless!!!