So today my partner went back to College; she said she would be back at lunch time, she had arranged for granddad to watch Lola, I should just sleep. I was terrified, I'm not going to lie but I reminded myself I was doing it for her and that it was worth it and that I'd be fine. So Today I went back to be after she okay, I don't want to use my partners name so I'm just going to call her Ashlee, Ashlee went to college and I went back to sleep. I didn't wake up again until 3pm, 7 hours sleep after a whole night of sleep. That's how exhausted I am. But when I woke up Ashlee was no where to be found. I assumed it wasn't lunch time yet, made a cigarette and then pops walks in and says afternoon and I say is it lunch time already? he's says no its 3pm and I laughed, but he was actually serious. Then I freaked out wheres ash? pop said Oh she decided to stay at college until the end. Since you were asleep. Which I accepted even though I was annoyed because what if something had happened? Anyway so this evening she comes home and says that shes not got to do 5 days a week at college, they're making her take another GCSE. So that's naff, as really if I went and stayed with mum in the week whilst Ash is at college then we'd only see each other 2 nights a week. So really either she needs to quit or we're gonna, god I so cant even type the b word, we'd struggle to keep the relationship going as its an hour drive each way, I don't drive and we have a dog. So as difficult as it is I kind of expected her to be like- Oh well that's the last straw. But no instead she comes out with that shoe's going to college the rest of the week and I said have you thought about me in that decision and she said yeah and I said so what am I supposed to do whilst your at college. Who's supposed to care for me then? and she was like Pops said he'd watch Lola and i'm like Lola is not the freaking issue if she was I wouldn't need a carer in the first place- I'd need a dog trainer -.- So obviously she hadn't thought of me had she clearly I'm not important part of her decision making process. I'm just the after thought. It breaks my heart to think of being without Ash, but things like this really remind me that some times she sure acts like she doesn't care at all.
So yeah watch this space, actually don't even know what the hell to do anymore. Feel as though I'm one more bad day from a mental break.