Went to church this morning. I really needed it. Spent the morning praying and crying. My neck, shoulders, spine, pelvis and hips are in excruciating pain! Pain meds aren't working. Praying isn't working. Playing dead isn't working. Just wish I could fade away into non-existence.
Was thinking that I was blessed with so many gifts and have no really used any of them to their fullest. What kind of person does that? Ignores the gifts given. Is that because of my youth? My feelings of hopelessness and helplessness then? Or is it some lack of self esteem that exhibits itself in not caring about many things.
Right now survival is all I can deal with. Fading away seems like a good alternative but there are a lot of people depending on me. Maybe they really don't need me at all and I COULD fade away!
Most of the time now I'm just in too much pain,to tired and depressed to care.