5/22/13
I've been up and down and over and outAnd I know one thing:Each time I find myself, flat on my face,I pick myself up and get back in the race.
Yup, sounds appropriate, huh. Sometimes I dont even know where I am emotionally anymore. Seems like I say the same old things...and I get tired of saying them. One minute I feel like I am doing well, the next? Not so much. I've blocked him from FB, texting, emailing, and my cell. And don't think I did this to keep him away from me. Nooooo. and he was a bit ticked about FB...Nope, I did it to keep me away from him. To limit my access to him as much as possible. Does it help? Who knows. I have not ever given into the strong desire late at night to just drive by. We've had no contact since May 11th, but the fact that I know the date says alot doesnt it. I saw him this last Saturday at a function on the river...but didn't go talk to him and dont know if he saw me so...I don't count it. Still, he's almost always in my mind...I drive or walk across campus: will I see him or his truck? Chances are slim cause he teaches very little if any on campus during the summer. I have no idea at all what his schedule is like. But, I know how much money he put in the bank on Monday.
Had my therapy session today. It helped me deal with some aggravation that involved work. Other than that...not much really bothering me....until this afternoon when BAM there he is in my head again. How do I get the lying cheating 2timing jerk out of my head? I'm thinking of writing myself an email listing all the ways he hurt me since the very first time we met. The lies, everything. Then save that email and whenever I get like this---read it... sigh..I dont think it will work though.
Ha, started to get in touch with a guy I'd met online last year. We had a fling which was nice. I'd never done that before but I think I needed it to reassure myself I could still be wanted.(BTW-best massage EVER) But, we both knew it was not anything. We kept in touch (he lives a few hours away) for awhile...but we drifted further apart and have not been in touch in awhile. Still, I thought about it. It's not the sex. I think it's just the wanting to be held. To be with someone who wants to be with me-if only for that moment. But, not planning to do that. It's only a band-aid, not a cure. Still, hmmmmm.....no, no-not gonna do that-LOL.
Have "plans" for the summer. Hoping to get together with a friend and go to Schlitterbahn later in the summer. Another friend is planning a girls weekend in Hot Springs Village later this summer. I say "girls"...should be old broads. Think steel magnolias/ya-yas....lol. But I dont know... the plans may or may not actually happen. Some other plans in the works-we shall see. Still.....just terribly lonely right now...but then...ask me again in 10 minutes, you know?
Ah well, it it gets to hurting too much, I can go to bed and go to sleep. Tomorrow will be another day; a fresh slate.....maybe lose myself in a book or something
Yup, i'm hurting about some other stuff and I need a shoulder---a real shoulder to cry on...since that's out of the question, I'm headed for bed.
Yup, sounds appropriate, huh. Sometimes I dont even know where I am emotionally anymore. Seems like I say the same old things...and I get tired of saying them. One minute I feel like I am doing well, the next? Not so much. I've blocked him from FB, texting, emailing, and my cell. And don't think I did this to keep him away from me. Nooooo. and he was a bit ticked about FB...Nope, I did it to keep me away from him. To limit my access to him as much as possible. Does it help? Who knows. I have not ever given into the strong desire late at night to just drive by. We've had no contact since May 11th, but the fact that I know the date says alot doesnt it. I saw him this last Saturday at a function on the river...but didn't go talk to him and dont know if he saw me so...I don't count it. Still, he's almost always in my mind...I drive or walk across campus: will I see him or his truck? Chances are slim cause he teaches very little if any on campus during the summer. I have no idea at all what his schedule is like. But, I know how much money he put in the bank on Monday.
Had my therapy session today. It helped me deal with some aggravation that involved work. Other than that...not much really bothering me....until this afternoon when BAM there he is in my head again. How do I get the lying cheating 2timing jerk out of my head? I'm thinking of writing myself an email listing all the ways he hurt me since the very first time we met. The lies, everything. Then save that email and whenever I get like this---read it... sigh..I dont think it will work though.
Ha, started to get in touch with a guy I'd met online last year. We had a fling which was nice. I'd never done that before but I think I needed it to reassure myself I could still be wanted.(BTW-best massage EVER) But, we both knew it was not anything. We kept in touch (he lives a few hours away) for awhile...but we drifted further apart and have not been in touch in awhile. Still, I thought about it. It's not the sex. I think it's just the wanting to be held. To be with someone who wants to be with me-if only for that moment. But, not planning to do that. It's only a band-aid, not a cure. Still, hmmmmm.....no, no-not gonna do that-LOL.
Have "plans" for the summer. Hoping to get together with a friend and go to Schlitterbahn later in the summer. Another friend is planning a girls weekend in Hot Springs Village later this summer. I say "girls"...should be old broads. Think steel magnolias/ya-yas....lol. But I dont know... the plans may or may not actually happen. Some other plans in the works-we shall see. Still.....just terribly lonely right now...but then...ask me again in 10 minutes, you know?
Ah well, it it gets to hurting too much, I can go to bed and go to sleep. Tomorrow will be another day; a fresh slate.....maybe lose myself in a book or something
Yup, i'm hurting about some other stuff and I need a shoulder---a real shoulder to cry on...since that's out of the question, I'm headed for bed.
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