I'm anxious today because of what happened yesterday. First, let me describe my situation: being epileptic, I can't take my daughter out by myself as I might have seizures. We have no family to help, so whenever J goes off to work and L is not at school or at daycamp, we stay home. So...the money being what it is, last week, we stayed at home all week because we couldn't afford camp, the weekend before and the weekend after (J works on the weekends). We did have a friend or two of hers over, but so far this summer, no one has invited her over to their house. Monday she was sick and got sent home from camp. Tuesday, she stayed home and recovered quickly. Yesterday (Wed.), she said she didn't feel too well, but 30 seconds later, she was playing with the cat. J wanted to wait and see if we should keep her home one more day. Before I go any further, I need to emphasize that IF my daughter was still sick, I'd say no problem, and keep her home. But she was fine, and after 11 days of staying in this house, I was ready to have a breakdown. So I did.   I went out back where J found me crying, and I told him how I needed a break, etc. etc. how I need to get out, how I have no friends, so the only people I really speak to are he and L, how, thanks to menopause, I've become something I HATE: a whiny, unstable, irresponsible, emotional needy, unpredictable, self-absorbed maniac who might be fine when he leaves work, but when he comes home, may be huddled in bed crying hysterically while the laundry and dishes pile up and no dinner made, and our child all sad that mommy's feeling bad again.    J is one of those people who feels responsible for his family. If I'm unhappy, it's because he's not trying hard enough. He comes up with solutions, but they unfortunately cause more problems than they solve. He suggested that he and L move to TX with his mother for a few months while I take some time for myself. This is NOT what I want or need. It would make me more miserable, and L,too for that matter (she hates TX, too). He suggested I take some classes or go get a part time, even volunteer job. I tried yet again to remind him that I canNOT commit to anything because I don't know from one 12-hour period to the next what I'm going to be like. Tomorrow I might be okay, but it's equally possible I'll be sick, then the next day I might be a seriously raving lunatic (thanks, hormones). You can't tell people you want to work for them, but only if you can give them an hour or two notice as to whether or not you can make it in to work.Likewise, I'm not going to spend the money we don't have signing up for a class that I may or may not make it to.   It's not just menopause; it's the combination of that and the lack of family available, lack of friends (and you can't start making friends while you're already a desperate basket case), lack of mobility, lack of finances...it just makes for a sorry situation. There's only ONE member of my family who can conceivably be of any good, but she's got to stay on the other coast to provide free daycare for her 8 grandkids, so that's that. The only other member who's offered to help is his mother, but since she's 90 years old, can't drive, is almost blind, and walks with a cane, she really cannot be of any use. (She came over during the holidays and caused way more problems for me than if she just stayed where she was. I don't want to get into that, now).   SO...what I'm anxious about is my husband. He's been dealing with me and my menopausal hell for almost 3 years- tolerating my mood swings, my mental and emotional roller coasters, taken over cooking, childcare, and housework when I was/am unable to do it (on top of his 8-12 hour a day job). He's had to listen to my hysterics and anger, and  deal with it all from my lack of interest in sex to demands for anything from companionship to privacy. Any suggestion he's made I've struck down, as I've said before. But I can tell he's getting to the breaking point. His job isn't working out anymore (not many people buying cars like they used to), his corporation managers are instigating rules making it harder to earn a living. He hates the job anyway, but it is geographically close and he's worked there long enough to have some flexibility as to deciding not to come in (usually because he has to deal with me). And if he quits, goodbye not only to income, but insurance as well. Between his job and my disability, there hasn't been much to squirrel away, so there's no savings to fall back on. What the poor man needs most in these tough times is a wife who is strong and reliable, who can say "don't worry, dear, we'll get through this together", and can be there for him whenever the s**t hits the fan.    I know he won't leave me; he's responsible and he loves me. But being almost 50 and having job problems, a family to support (and possibly his mom, soon), being married to menopausal me isn't exactly helpful. And we've got another 2-12 years of this?? Will he hang in there? He will. He knows this is not anything I'm deliberately doing. But...I want to be what I was before menopause: a strong, reliable, resourceful person who could be his anchor when he needs it, a loving dependable wife and mother, not this hysterical, useless, demanding 4 yr-old that I become when the Bad Episodes hit. (and they can last up to 3-4 days before I feel normal again).  He doesn't need this. Our little family of three- for that's all there is- doesn't need this. We can't afford it, financially and emotionally. I want him to leave in the morning and not have to worry at least about us. I want him to come home to find everything's in order, and me being calm and happy and tell him that, though his job may be in the toilet, everything at home is fine and taken care of.    We need this menopause s**t to stop NOW.