Better.....?

   Went to my gyn yesterday.She told me to use the lower dosage patch along with the higher dosage one when I get hit by such a bad episode. Last night, while I still didn't feel good, I felt okay enough to make dinner, so I didn't put the little patch on (already wearing the bigger one). But this morning....well, it's not nearly as bad as Monday night, but am still not good at all; so I got the little one off to school, and took a 2-hour nap.   Now I'm having some tofu (for the protein and because I need to have something in my stomach) and trying my damndest to fight the depression. I NEED to get OUT of the house; the exercise and just getting out often helps, and we have no veggies or coffee left, so I MUST go. If I can just get those craggy rocks in my gut to leave me alone for a few hours...and I feel a cry sitting underneath the surface, but I can't seem to get it out and over with.   Goddess, I keep trying to find a way to get used to this, considering I could be going through it on and off for the next 5 to 10 years ((%&$@#!!). The frequency IS getting less, and for the most part, the severity and length of the episodes are not as bad as in the beginning....oh,man, but when it hits.....I think "Oh, I know what to do, I'll be ready, I've done it before, etc, etc."  But then it hits, and everything mentally, emotionally, and physically goes to hell, incuding the house (we start running out of staples because I haven't gone to the store, and the fresh fruit and veggies I have rot because I'm not cooking, and I won't even get into the cleaning); and I end up writing hysterical entries like the last one. Then, after 1-4 days, it's over, I get up and start over, and have apparently two weeks exactly until my next Episode.    What to do? Can't fight it. It's going to happen again and again until the day comes when my body decides not to throw a tantrum at the small bit of estrogen available, and finally lets me off.    Thank Goddess for you all on this website.