Changes
Last week as a big one -- good and bad, but at least there was some good. The 21st was the 6-month anniversary of losing Jackson, which still doesn't seem possible. I guess like so many, I spend a lot of time in the disbelief/numb stage and mostly can't accept that this has happened. It simply doesn't make sense that my son is no longer here with us. I just never ever imagined that I could possibly lose one of my children ever. Then, reality sneaks it for a few minutes at a time and I just cry -- in the car or at work before anyone else arrives. Going through a bunch of tissues this morning, but at least getting in early gives me the luxury of not having to worry about anyone else being around. Of course my purpose in getting here early was to work, which is not going so well yet!
But the good news is that also last week, I was officially offered a new, much better job, which I accepted. Conventional wisdom may say no big changes for a year, but that goes out the window when I was already miserable in losing my job before Jackson. So I lost him and I got to be miserable period because my son was gone and then I was miserable at work every day, wasting my time in an unfulfilling job. So going to a much better job is really a good thing for us -- plus it gets us back down to California and the lower 48. Alaska is just too far away from everyone and most especially our daughter who is in college in Chicago. This way, even if we don't visit her more than we used to, just knowing that we can easily hop on a plane to see her for a weekend gives me comfort. And my days of driving by Jackson's old high school everyday to and from work will be over. One less crappy reminder. His loss and the heartache I feel will always be with me whether I drive by his high school or not, but I don't mind losing that daily reminder when I see all the young men and women driving into the school parking lot in the morning.
And I will be within driving distance of South Lake Tahoe and the August retreat -- so I plan on going and hopefully meeting a bunch of you guys in person. It's on the calendar and I'm really looking forward to it. Nice to have something to look forward to these days.
But the good news is that also last week, I was officially offered a new, much better job, which I accepted. Conventional wisdom may say no big changes for a year, but that goes out the window when I was already miserable in losing my job before Jackson. So I lost him and I got to be miserable period because my son was gone and then I was miserable at work every day, wasting my time in an unfulfilling job. So going to a much better job is really a good thing for us -- plus it gets us back down to California and the lower 48. Alaska is just too far away from everyone and most especially our daughter who is in college in Chicago. This way, even if we don't visit her more than we used to, just knowing that we can easily hop on a plane to see her for a weekend gives me comfort. And my days of driving by Jackson's old high school everyday to and from work will be over. One less crappy reminder. His loss and the heartache I feel will always be with me whether I drive by his high school or not, but I don't mind losing that daily reminder when I see all the young men and women driving into the school parking lot in the morning.
And I will be within driving distance of South Lake Tahoe and the August retreat -- so I plan on going and hopefully meeting a bunch of you guys in person. It's on the calendar and I'm really looking forward to it. Nice to have something to look forward to these days.
Replies
Kudos on the new job!!!!! look forward to seeing you in Tahoe,,, I love going to the retreats....! I so hope your move to CA will be smooth!
It is wonderful news that you can make these changes. We are still holding your hand as long as you come here. These are big changes but be gentle with yourself. Being tired makes everything much worse! I am glad you are going to the retreat but I am sorry I will not be there.
Sending you love,
Leda
This has to be encouraging news. I\'m hopeful your new job is more fulfilling and is a place to grow. I too will be wishing your move to California is a smooth one. Love to you and your dear Jackson. Crying is good for us. I still have a good cry for my son and all our children, just know you aren\'t alone. I share your tears.
Debbie
WOO - HOO wonderful news...hope to see you in Tahoe for a real hug. Hugs, Ann
Good things are happening for you.....so thrilled for you. :)
Hooray for the new job!! I think it\'s terrific!
We moved shortly after Kala\'s accident...about a year after. I was SO ready! Hard to pack up her room, but I needed to NOT stare at the empty spot where her car had parked! I needed to NOT have her bedroom...though many, if not most moms need to keep their child\'s room even if they make changes to it. For me moving was a great gift. And now, we\'re ready to move again!
So, so, so excited to hear you plan to join us in Tahoe!! Yippee! I can\'t wait to see you and hug you in person!
Congrats on the new job. I don\'t like reminders too much either but then again, I don\'t want to be without them. It will never make sense so I just shake my head and carry on. That\'s all we can do. I look forward to meeting you at the retreat. Much love. Robin