Death
Ok so these past coupe of weeks on this little road has been......scary.
My neighbor on the left of me committed suicide. I'm not sure of the reason, but whatever the reason, it makes me sad that someone right down the road from me saw no more hope and here I am feeling depressed and anxious but never knew that this person was suffering. I don't feel responsible, just sad thatwe all feel such a need to 'mask' it up that we cant open up and receive love from the world. If there is love.
Okay my neighbor down the road to the left of me, who had some mental health issues, was found in his yard. They took him to the hospital, thought he was dead. Coroner comes in and finds a slight heabeat, sends him out of tthe morgue to ICU. He dies later. COME ON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!His lifebwas not, at least in my opininion, the most magical and then THIS crap??? Oh come on!!! What have we done to suffer like this God???
Please don't answer that God.
I justlook at it and see that sometimes it doesnt get better. What then? What then??
No to anyone that is reading my journal. I cant make this stuff up. This is my life. Or what I'm seeing. God please bring something incredibly good today. I really don't deserve it I just need it.
My neighbor on the left of me committed suicide. I'm not sure of the reason, but whatever the reason, it makes me sad that someone right down the road from me saw no more hope and here I am feeling depressed and anxious but never knew that this person was suffering. I don't feel responsible, just sad thatwe all feel such a need to 'mask' it up that we cant open up and receive love from the world. If there is love.
Okay my neighbor down the road to the left of me, who had some mental health issues, was found in his yard. They took him to the hospital, thought he was dead. Coroner comes in and finds a slight heabeat, sends him out of tthe morgue to ICU. He dies later. COME ON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!His lifebwas not, at least in my opininion, the most magical and then THIS crap??? Oh come on!!! What have we done to suffer like this God???
Please don't answer that God.
I justlook at it and see that sometimes it doesnt get better. What then? What then??
No to anyone that is reading my journal. I cant make this stuff up. This is my life. Or what I'm seeing. God please bring something incredibly good today. I really don't deserve it I just need it.
Replies
The last neighbor was to the RIGHT of me.
It is a heavy burden to be affected by the suicide of another, whether known or unknown to oneself... There are always those questions... Always... I ask myself some of them to this day...
I shall not condemn those who chose that path with which to end their life...
I shall, instead, be thankful it was not myself and am alive today...
If an indivdiual chooses to commit suicide, no matter what the reason or method, it will happen, in time... Perhaps a few trials by error, but if the intent is there, no one can stop them... No one... And, most importantly, no one could have intervened even if they had shared their pain...
There is no responsibility for anyone to take claim regarding the death of your neighbor... There was no way you could have know...
All my heart, Lila...
I can\'t believe you have gone through experiencing all this alone. And the whole time offering so much love and understanding to everyone else. I don\'t think God expects us to give and not receive. My God is much kinder than that. You have too much on your plate already. These things are too much to not talk about. Just too much. You have to let it out and let those of us who love you, while we may not be able to change things, at least offer you the knowledge that you have real people here that God has put in your life that care and will help you. I do not do Church. But I believe strongly in God. He brought you to us to SHARE love and hope and recovery. It isn\'t a one way road on here. You don\'t get to give out the healing and love and not accept anything back from us. There\'s that thing about God doesn\'t give us more than we can bear??? I don\'t remember anything about bearing it alone. Nope, I just don\'t remember that part. Except the help that is out here, sent specifically for you my dear.
I\'m sorry you are dealing with this. It\'s so sad. You\'re right, this business of suffering in silence is not helping anybody. Your journal is a good reminder to open my heart a little more to my neighbors and the community. You never know what people are going through and a moment of kindness is never wasted. Sending you love and prayers.
Thank you guys. I am dealing with so much. Sometimes it takes days or weeks for me to even acknowledge what has been going on. I get so caught up in hiding it and just trying to be a service. Sometimes I dont even know exactly how to articulate what\'s going on with me until I read others\' journals or posts. Then I\'m like, yeah that happened to me or yeah that\'s what I\'m feeling.
I\'m thankful to you all. Lila, hopeless, and keepingthefaithalive, thank you for all your concerns and posts!