Overwhelmed
God I'm so overwhelmed. Tonight I have a million thoughts running through my head. Is this hell? Did I die and THIS is hell?
I'm tired. I'm tired. I feel so bad when I look at my son. Look at the mother he was given. I don't know what to do. I just cant figure everything out. I'm ignoring a bill because I know that I havent the money fir it. I dread talking to them to see if they will work something out for me again. Oh God, if I could just peacefully slip away and be with you in eterniy. I'm tired God. Day to day, I'm tired. My child deserves a mother who is at least a little happy. I love him so much. But I want desperately to feel better so that I can just go out and run with him without being distracted.
I cant keep on like this. I just cant. My son deserves so much better. I need your help God.
I'm tired. I'm tired. I feel so bad when I look at my son. Look at the mother he was given. I don't know what to do. I just cant figure everything out. I'm ignoring a bill because I know that I havent the money fir it. I dread talking to them to see if they will work something out for me again. Oh God, if I could just peacefully slip away and be with you in eterniy. I'm tired God. Day to day, I'm tired. My child deserves a mother who is at least a little happy. I love him so much. But I want desperately to feel better so that I can just go out and run with him without being distracted.
I cant keep on like this. I just cant. My son deserves so much better. I need your help God.
Replies
Friend! I feel as YOU do! I know you are a good parent, but you strive to be better, or even perfect! You are doing just fine, I am assured of this. Message me anytime!
You are being so hard on yourself! Your son is blessed to have a mother that loves and cares about him so much. The fact that you want to be more for him says so much about your commitment to be the best mother you can be, but you are enough exactly as you are. Be gentle with yourself and remember some days are better than others, and you are going through a hard time - BUT IT WILL GET BETTER. Hang in there and take pride in all the love you give your son and all the things you are doing right. (((hugs)))
Gee....Thank you Need Advice and Keepingthefaith.
Sometimes it just gets a bit much. Depression is such a liar. I DO TRY! I AM THE BEST MOM I KNOW HOW TO BE!
Thank you guys, seriously. Your support is what I didn\'t have in my life. Thank God for DS and you guys!!!!
You know, one thing your wrote which truly struck me was the fact you are willing to acknowledge any \"errors in judgement\", and motivate yourself to be the best person you can be today...
One thing I have learned among my journey... The things I see that were worst in myself actually helped others along their paths.... For whatever reason, I do not now... Truly...
We are all connnected, like a chain link fence, and our actions affect others and so on and so on... It is all okay as not only you, but all with whom you come into contact.who learns and grows from your experiences...
BTW, you do NOT have my permission to visit me from the other side... I enjoy hearing your voice far more while breath continues to flow...
All my heart to you during this difficult time, Liva.
OMG. I have been so wrapped up in my own misery, I have not been here for you. I apologize, I love you with all my heart dear friend and hate knowing what you are experiencing.
It\'s the disease that is talking when you are thinking you are not a good mom. It\'s not your son. It\'s not God. It\'s not the truth. Your son is #1 in your life. He knows that. That\'s love. You spend time WITH him. That\'s love. You are a great mom. Don\'t listen to the disease, listen to God..
I love every word in Lilaolivia\'s post. Your responses to others are full of kindness and wisdom. You are able to help so many from all you experience even though at times, you can\'t help yourself. That is a gift. Not everyone can do that. You have touched so many on this site - I\'ve seen what you have written and the responses. I have personally experienced it.
I understand feeling you can\'t take anymore. It is just so hard to keep fighting. So tiring. We both know that even though we feel so alone, especially on the worst days, we have each other, we have friends on site, many \"acquaintances\" on site, and God to hold on to us until we can get a stronger grip to climb up to the life we want and deserve.
Neither of us want to go anywhere but to a peaceful, happy life here. We do deserve it. We will get there.
Hope today is calmer and brings you some peace, much love, Tami
Lila your words are always full of wisdom. They make me think. Like a kind teacher would. Thank you for your posts not only to me, but also to others. Yes I read them, they\'re very good!! Well thought out, uplifting!
Hopeless, I know what you\'re going through and when you\'re in that state, self preservation takes over. Same here with me. I get so distracted in worry, depression, etc. my child often wants me to play his video games with him or just watch a show. I\'m so cught up in my own head, I can\'t truly enjoy it. I\'m fighting but I\'m tired and he\'s fourteen and I feel that we have little time together, Then I will be ALONE. My son jokingly said for me to have another baby. I laughed...... But is it to late......hmmmmmm
you son just wants a little of your attention. Listen to him. Talk to him. Put other things down, or aside, and look at him when he talks. It matters little that you hear him, or have other things going in your head. At least you gave him a part of your attention. Don\'t we all long for this from time to time. You might be surprised just a word or two in his direction might do. It would make you feel good about yourself, too.
And, like hopeless said, it\'s not a voice you need to listen to. If there is any hint of degrading sounds, you need to close your ears and call out to Jesus. He knows what is needed.
And, here\'s something that might help:
Don\'t tell you God how big your problems are!
Tell your problems HOW BIG YOUR GOD IS!!!!
We care. We are praying. Keep looking up. You just might see the end of this stuff!!!
Think on this also. Ever watched a drop of water hit a large body of water. The ripples that it creates keep on moving outward. Keeps getting bigger and bigger, til it hits something. Then you see a whole new set of ripples start. So it is with every life. First you affect one person, that person affects another person, and......so, it goes on!!!
Mary Turk, I really appreciate that post! I know that my God is bigger than anything going on.
Major aha moment in your post. If it sounds negative, close my ears. I have just been listening, accepting.
Thank you Mary.