Day 4
I cried a lot today.
I am not much of a crier but today I felt extra tender.
I shared with people and opened up about my issue with gambling.
I've been so secretive and closeted about this whole thing it felt good to crack open pandora's box a little.
We have friends that were to come for dinner and an outing at the casino and I had to cancel that part (suggested board games instead) everyone has been so supportive that I think a reason I cried so much is the realization of how alone and cloistered I have made myself during the throes of this addiction.
I know that hard part hasn't come yet but I am hopeful.
I am not much of a crier but today I felt extra tender.
I shared with people and opened up about my issue with gambling.
I've been so secretive and closeted about this whole thing it felt good to crack open pandora's box a little.
We have friends that were to come for dinner and an outing at the casino and I had to cancel that part (suggested board games instead) everyone has been so supportive that I think a reason I cried so much is the realization of how alone and cloistered I have made myself during the throes of this addiction.
I know that hard part hasn't come yet but I am hopeful.
Replies
Isolation breeds gambling which breeds shame and guilt which breeds gambling and desperation which breeds gamblig.......
This addiction grows exponentially in isolation.
I know because I mastered isolation then gambling then desperation then despair then brokenness and depression then coming here.
Please don\'t think of the hard part being later, the hard part was the gambling and looking back with recovery you will start to remember what a real life was like and start to experience that again and start to feel like a human again.
Way to go on telling the friends you don\'t gamble.
But if it is uncomfortable telling others simply do so by making other plans.
Best wishes as we will be here together.
thank you thenewway. I am an introvert, not shy but I have never drank or been much of a party girl and most of the activities I enjoy are quiet ones, even though I am young. I am well liked but don\'t have a lot of friends so it\'s easy for me to be/feel isolated even though I have a generally happy marriage and 2 sons (they are mostly grown- all the boys are very close) That leaves so much time when they are fishing and camping and watching sports for that isolation to creep up. I need to take a class or get a new hobby or something because generally I am an introvert but at least before I gambled I didn\'t feel isolated because I liked my own company. I found that the more I gambled the more my other activities seemed lackluster to me and the less I liked myself and the more alone and isolated I felt.
I feel fortunate to have you here on this journey as I appreciate all the sharing and understanding