Another day
Well I fucked up but I know that I didn't. I was not in a good mood which has been for the last few days. I've been alone for awhile and I don't know why I even answer the phone anymore. I get fustrated at everything and especially when I'm having a bad day or in a bad mood.
I kinda went off on my BF and I really didn't mean to but I just couldn't stop myself. I mad that my life is sooo fucked up that I just take it out on anybody. I try not to answer my phone. And I'm not in the mood to small talk about BS, I have alot of nothing and something going on in my life and don't want to listen to other people BS. cuz' that's what it is when you complain about shit that don't mean much to me ( at this moment).
I have explained my feelings and mood to her several times and I don't think she hears or understand me anymore. Maybe I'm not explaining myself correctly. I told her about my thoughts and my raggy life and how I haven't been happy since before they fired me. And that she's spoiled and that her small problems are just that to a person that don't have a job but 3kids to feed. I also asked her to tell me when do she think that I've been happy in my entire life. Even with my life during work I wasn't happy. I also told her that the way I feeling could be desribed better if she could remember how she felt when her mom die ( depressed). Now take those feelings and keep them all the time. and multiply them by 100 and carry it around. That's how I feel like someone die and I'm in mourning. And that death although permanent seems better than this shit. A state of peace! No anything and no reason to be bother about everything. No kids, no bills , no job and no Bullshit! I told her not to call me anymore and to leave me alone and that I need to go so that I don't say anything that I will regret.
BUT TODAY I THINK SHE GOT THE MESSAGE LOUD AND CLEAR!
I've been so down that I don't feel like showering or moving. I feel tired and I'm not doing anything literally. I try to make myself do things but I really don't. If it's not an appointment then it won't get done.
Gn.
I kinda went off on my BF and I really didn't mean to but I just couldn't stop myself. I mad that my life is sooo fucked up that I just take it out on anybody. I try not to answer my phone. And I'm not in the mood to small talk about BS, I have alot of nothing and something going on in my life and don't want to listen to other people BS. cuz' that's what it is when you complain about shit that don't mean much to me ( at this moment).
I have explained my feelings and mood to her several times and I don't think she hears or understand me anymore. Maybe I'm not explaining myself correctly. I told her about my thoughts and my raggy life and how I haven't been happy since before they fired me. And that she's spoiled and that her small problems are just that to a person that don't have a job but 3kids to feed. I also asked her to tell me when do she think that I've been happy in my entire life. Even with my life during work I wasn't happy. I also told her that the way I feeling could be desribed better if she could remember how she felt when her mom die ( depressed). Now take those feelings and keep them all the time. and multiply them by 100 and carry it around. That's how I feel like someone die and I'm in mourning. And that death although permanent seems better than this shit. A state of peace! No anything and no reason to be bother about everything. No kids, no bills , no job and no Bullshit! I told her not to call me anymore and to leave me alone and that I need to go so that I don't say anything that I will regret.
BUT TODAY I THINK SHE GOT THE MESSAGE LOUD AND CLEAR!
I've been so down that I don't feel like showering or moving. I feel tired and I'm not doing anything literally. I try to make myself do things but I really don't. If it's not an appointment then it won't get done.
Gn.
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