A new day and new  stuff to do. I go to "work ", on the computer every day til noon, then I'm free and relaxed to do whatever else there is to do. I don't feel so down about not having a job when I start my day off looking for work. I can say " I tried" and the guilty and depression and self pity don't feel AS bad. Because I still feel like sh!T, everyday!!!  I recently started exercising and toning my body. this helps me to relieve stress and tension. I'm sexual tense. Oh Well!!!! Ab workout helps, Yeah rightLOL.   I notice that I talk to my self out loud and to the plants more. I'm lonely at home during the day. Every one I know is at work. Except Bingoboy!( that'sanother paragraph LOL) I try not to call or text any one while their at work unless it's work related.  AND BY THE WAY, ANY STAY- AT - HOME  MOMS, GOD BLESS YOU. I can't do this, it is truly work. and therre's no breaks or lunchs. I would've taken this kind of work for granted, because I have always worked and so has my mom. It is constantly something to do and some thing to buy, fix, or clean. Whew!!!!  Now for the reason I came online today. I kinda broke -up with Bingoboy yesterday. I needed to, I felt myself falling harder and fast. I'm in a very vurnable state. No job, no man and a constant feeling of loneliness. It's hard to be single when everyone around you is not. He knows that I love him. That's not a secret! I told him maybe two years now, he can't get around the herpes thing. I can't hold my breathe waiting for him to come around. Although I have been doing exactly that. He's not the best thing for me but he makes me feel like a queen and helps me with anything from money and fixing things. I have emotionally attached myself to this man and he didn't know it. He thought everything was the same. I feel like a free spirit when I'm around him. We talk about everything from other people we are interrested in and farts/ gas and just everything. I miss him and i just saw him yesterday. I'm pitiful.... No lie, if he call now as I'm typing this I would go running. It's like I'm addicted. I trying one day at a time. I lost an entire night of sleep over this decision. I know that I've tried this B4 and have feld. I MUST TRY AGAIN. I recently read a relationship book and this is for the best.  I needed to tell him what I require and want and he must give in or leave me alone. We have already gone over the 90 waiting period for sex. I got to get through this weekend. It has not been 24 hours yet. God please bless me.!!