I miss you

They say its meant to get easier as time goes on but its just as hard now if not harder as it was the day you left me. I miss you so much babe, it really does hurt.I remember when I went to Ibiza for 5 days with Charl, you were staying at mine the night I got home and we were ordering in a big dominoes munch. I did Charls head in the whole way home going on about how excited I was to see you and have my pizza. When you came round you gave me the biggest hug ever and told me I wasn't allowed to go away again without you coz you missed me too much, I told you well now you know how I felt when you went away to America with your family for 2 weeks. It was only 5 days you had to go without seeing me for and I still spoke to you everyday, its over 4 months now and theres been absolutely nothing. You really can't imagine how bad this feels Matt. We were so excited for our first proper holiday abroad together, we had an amazing 4 days in Scotland and you were so excited about getting away to see some sun, you were like if Scotlands anything to go by this will be 100 times better coz it'll be hot and I get to see you in a bikini everyday haha. We never got that holiday. It kills me that we never. You were taken from me before we even got that chance.Its starting to get really cold again babe, you know what I'm like i hate being cold. You used to say you'd never known anyone to get as cold as me, I'd be all snug and warm in bed with you, get out of bed for a minute to go the loo and then I'd be freezing again. You used to flinch as 'd put my hands back on you and tell me I wasn't normal for getting so cold so quick. I told you you weren't normal for constantly being roasting, my human radiator I used to call you. We were the perfect match, you'd keep me warm and I'd keep you cool. You got me an electric blanket last Xmas, to keep me warm when my human radiator wasn't there. It was the best present ever but I hate putting it on now, it feels like cheating, nothing will ever come close to having you here wrapping your arms around me and pulling me in soo close to warm me up. I miss that so much. I miss everything about you Matt. You're big cheesey smile that first attracted me to you, that crazy little laugh, those gorgeous colour changing eyes of yours, I've never known eyes like them, your super long eyelashes I was always so jealous of, your big strong arms that always made me feel safe, the way you'd look at me and tell me you loved me, the way you'd always give me a massive hug and a kiss on the forehead before I went home and then would tell me to text you when I was home safe, you'd tell me off if I never! I miss the way you'd sing a song but just pick one line you liked and would sing it over and over and over again. I miss how you'd text me in work asking how my day was going and if I wasn't with you how you'd text me sweet dreams each night, I miss how no matter how bad my day was going you'd always make me smile, whether that was by just listening to me rant and having a bitch with me or doing something stupid to make me laugh. I miss our late night chats in bed and our early morning ones too, I don't know why but you were always extra soppy then. I miss playing with your hair, you'd sit there for hours and just let me run my fingers through it and I'd get a big puppy dog look if I stopped for a second to itch my nose as if to say why have you stopped. I miss telling people stories about what I'd been up to with you and rubbing it in how amazing my boyfriend was. I could go on for days, I miss every single little thing about you. And I miss the Rach that was here when you were here. You made me a better person, I've never been happier than when I was with you, I've never felt love like the love I have for you and I've never been loved like you loved me. I just don't feel like me anymore, the day you left me a massive part of me did. There's always going to be a massive Matt shaped hole in me, right where my heart should be. You probably think I'm mad writing to you here but theres so much going on in my head it has to come out somewhere. I just hope you realised how much you meant to me and how much I loved you and I hope you know how lucky and blessed I feel that out of anyone you could have had you chose me, I definitely used up all my luck the day I found you. Thank you for making me so happy and thank you for loving me and making me feel so special, I just pray I made you feel the same.I miss you Matt, I'll miss you every single day for as long as I live and I will never ever stop loving you. my heart will always belong to you.I love you babeYour Rach xxxxxxxxxxxx