It has been almost 30 days since I gambled and actually I am feeling better, pretty good. There are times when I miss it terribly but this site has been very helpful and I don't feel so all alone... I know there are others struggling with this problem. Someone mentioned the ride home - we're all familiar with that - - -and I do not ever want to feel that way again!!!!!!!!
What scares me a little is that I went to GA last year; got a 30 day keychain but went off and started again; even worse.... hope this time is different. Thanks for everyone's help. 
Replies
This time is differnt. One day at a time makes the difference. You have come to the right place for support and care. Blessings to you Suzi
i stopped gambling for 20 months..then started again...
for me, this time IS different.
I have had ENOUGH.
I am done.
i want my life.
xo
xo
This afternoon was tough for me - - - all of a sudden I had the urge to drive to the casino after work . . I had it all planned out in my head . . .and my husband is out of town for a few days... I kept thinking, thinking, and wondering if I should - of course deep down I knew I shouldn\'t... Anyway, the way I overcame the urge was to write down some goals for tonight when I got home - I really got down to the details and made a timeline. I\'ve been hilighting what I\'ve done and putting my time into compartments like this seems to help - it kept me GF for one more day. :]
Maybe this will help someone else too; narrow your time down; discipline yourself and try to live in the small compartments and then you\'ll feel good about achieving the goals.
(haven\'t been disciplined for years, but this is a NEW year. :] )
Since I have been having some urges to go to the casino again, I thought I would write as much and as often as I can in this journal. Reading other people\'s thoughts and feelings helps as well. When I am here safe in the house, I envision myself going in with a certain amt of $$, hitting on the 2nd or 3rd try and then finally conquering it by walking out with a bunch of money... would that realistically happen?? The chances are slim, but I still dream of being able to handle myself responsibly since I am a very responsible, conscientious person in other aspects of my life. I still don\'t get it - or understand why, but I probably don\'t need to know. :] Just stay away from the dangers.. just doesn\'t seem fair. Onward and upward! I am saving money - - -and that\'s a good thing!
Today was Day 41 GF... I have kept myself extremely busy with other things - - -and have been putting aside some money, which in itself always scares me; I better get it into a safe place soon. :] I\'m feeling okay but I went through this the last time when I felt like - gee this isn\'t really as hard as it was at the beginning... and I\'m doing pretty well..., etc. than WHAM I did a 360 and went right back in; full on. I don\'t want to think those thoughts, but it is kind of scary. I know you guys understand what I mean. Maybe last time I didn\'t want to quit bad enough.. I had some nightmares in the past; even getting my car stolen from a casino, complicated by the fact that my IDs, credit cards, and many other personal belongings went along with it;;; and I broke up a drug ring at the same time... you would have thought that would stop me... but didn\'t.
The urges have become less I must say - life is getting better... I will battle on.
49 days since I have gambled - - - I can\'t believe I have come this far. I have been keeping really busy which helps take my mind off of it. Saw that the stores now have different lottery scratchers than when I was buying them a lot and for a moment was tempted but resisted. Think about the casinos/slots all the time and met someone the other night with the same interest/problem... but she doesn\'t think she has one. We would be dangerous together - and I will try to stay away.
Well I have now been GF since Dec 25 - I think that is 58 days - a record for me. I\'m keeping busy with many other things and the urgency is lessening though still there. I have a new puppy which I\'m totally engrossed in training and learing about Cesar Millan\'s methods. There really is more to life than this crazy addiction!
Well,it has been about 2 1/2 months since I gambled. I do have a friend coming into town in about a month. I know she will want to go to the casino... I\'ve already been thinking about it a lot, wondering if I can gamble responsible and go there like a normal human being. Not sure, really. Food for thought.
She is kind of aware that I used to have a hard time stopping when I won, but I\'m sure she doesn\'t know the total picture. I shall see how I handle her visit... So far my life is going great - I don\'t want to mess anything up but I still want to enjoy our time together when she is here...
Time to write again - - - well, since Dec 25 - 3 1/2 months; I have now strayed two times; the one today was pretty bad and I\'m very ashamed of myself right now... but - - I do understand how/why it happened, if that makes any difference. I guess it really doesn\'t. Anyway, it just reinforced the thought that I do have this disease - and it is something that is very very addicting. It scares me & I have to start handling it appropriately. Today was not a good example of that, but I\'m moving forward. When I think about the amount of times I would have participated in a 3 1/2 month period before I got onto this site, there is absolutely no comparison, but still - I haven\'t been perfect with it.
I will stop beating myself up; it happened, it\'s over, and I will move on - tomorrow is a new day.
Today was better - I remained GF - but I had to go into the same general area, and believe me the thought crossed my mind of just drop by to make up some of the loss. But - I feel heaps richer :] that I made the right choice.
On to Monday - another good day I hope.