Looking back on the past now i know that i could have, should have changed everything about the way i am today and now i see just how mad you were at me. Not that i could change the way you react but i at least want the way i live my life back.   Back to when everything was a happier shade of black, the way my long hair touched my back, i listen to the same old songs telling my past through my fears bringing me to tears, i know now that it's not to late to appreciate everything that you tried even though you stopped and made us cry.  But now i cry for a different reason i need you here and i need you to listen, i'm in pain but not from the loss you made us suffer it's so much more complicated then that. Every night i shut my eyes and i try to dream of a brighter place where nothing hurts and someone cares and everyone knows how to share feelings even though we're all in tears, and i know it sounds cheesy but please don't make us miss out on the good things to come. I'm sorry for the way i misbehaved i shouldn't have said the things i did and now i hope you accept my sad excuse for an apoligy and forgive me so i can move on and share more with you in the future and help care for my little sister. I don't want her to hurt the way i did, i want her to enjoy the time she has before she's forced to grow up and carry on with whatever has been chosen for her.  Ten years goes by faster then i would've thought and before you know it your happy or not.  As for my little sister i want her to grow up knowing what it's like to be happy at 100% and have her father there and help make her life as bright as the sun.  Now i've gotten that all down i think i'm done i just wanted to say i love you and i hope to see you soon . . .                                                 --