Where am I right now?  I'm not sure.  I'm in a very indecisive place .  I'm spiraling out of control in some ways.  I feel like I have no foundation.  Nothing solid to believe in.  No self confidence and no self worth.
I'm not the same man that I used to be.  Now I feel like a scared, frightened little boy who doesn't know what the other kids are talking about.  This is my default state.  The state I was in when I met her was when I was at my maximum self-confidence.  That's been eroded and I don't know if I can get it back.
My wife has confessed that she has been reading my posts and vows to do it no more.  I believe her...I at least think she'll be good for a while.  We'll see.
My wife has decided to stay with her mother for a while.  This is probably for the best, I guess.  Damn, it's all so confusing.