A good night's sleep. Finally. I'm reflecting on my last several days, days mixed with quiet, peaceful moments, where I feel that I am who I am, followed by explossions of words asaulting my brain. My wife hits me so hard with her words. A constant barrage, every thought and nuance of thought that passes through her mind. My brain is forcibly taken over...forced to think and BE another person's thoughts. Alien thoughts...thoughts I myself would never think. But thoughts so forcefully expressed that they leave me confused over my own reality. That part which is still me lives in either numbness or fear. Fear of missing some of the thoughts, which will lead to accusations that I never listen...never pay attention to her...accusations which in themselves will take a seeming eternity to express and end with her personal expressions of how I can't stand her anymore and how I just want to spend time with others online and how everyone of my pixel people has become more important to me than her. When my mind is stronger I can find room for more of my own thoughts. I can try to engage in conversation or comment on her thoughts. This is a bad thing. My own conversation is either ignored (too alien for her own thought stream) or, as it expresses a different viewpoint from her own, are automatically made to be argumentative, which leads to a faux silence of 30 seconds before a barage on the negative state of our marriage begins. Now I'm wondering if it is really this bad, or if I'm just exagerating for the sake of emphasis. I don't know. My reality is too blury. What are my thoughts, and what are hers? Are my opions merely restatements of hers? I know they are mine when I'm dealing with issues that she has not expressed opinions on. But when she expresses opions, what are mine? It's so hard to tell sometimes. Sorry, this was meant to be a positive, reflective post. I'm not sure what it is instead, but I don't think positive is the word. Safe paths, everyone.