My Dearest Josh, It has been a while since I have wrote to you. There is so much I want to say but the pain so just so deep. You are on my mind 24 hours 7 days a week. Especially since Christmas. Josh, You were and still are my everything. It is so hard to continue on without you my sweet boy. But I have no choice. I have to continue on to keep your memory alive. Josh, I have been feeling alot of guilt the last couple of days. I am so sorry this had to happen to you. It should have been me. I should have never even mentioned license to you. I know you got so tired of hearing that. I should have never showed your daddy that little white truck. Sometimes I wonder if you knew what was going to happen. People tell me it will get easier and the pain will lessen. It has been over a year now and the pain is just as raw as the day you became an angel. I am really worried about your daddy. I think he is feeling alot of regret and guilt himself. I think he regrets the things and words he did not do and say. Josh honey we need some kind of sign. But when you are ready I know you will visit. I miss you my baby. Love you always and forever, Mama
Replies
You need to free yourself of guilt...the tragedy is just that a tragedy...you or your husband are not responsible...it is a series of events...not just one...I pray for peace for you...Love and hugs...Karen
rhonda,
you and john can not blame urself...its not ur
fault...things happen....i do understand ur feeling of guilt cos i have done that myself...and yes i guess i still do..but we cant blame ourself, i keep telling myself this over and over...its a hell of a heartache is all i can say...its unfair and i dont think the pain will ever go away...my tears still fall freely everyday.
but im here for ya anytime...forever and always...just wish we all lived closer, i sure could a friend that understands...its a lonesome world...huggin u tight,love ya sis...im walking with ya holding ur hand and ill pick ya up if ya fall...we got to stick together...stay strong...love u both
I am so sorry for all of the pain that you are feeling.
I\'m so sorry the pain is still so raw. Some days it seems like yesterday and other days I wonder if I\'m dreaming. Please be kind to yourself. Learn to forgive yourself for living. As hard as it is for all of us parents, it is the beginning of another season in our lives and we now must learn another way of living with out children in our hearts. Josh would want nothing less from you or his daddy. Thinking of you. Love Robin
Rhonda, feeling guilty is part of this nightmare. Please remember that neither you nor John did anything wrong. As I was told a few days after Andrew\'s death, it was just his time and if he didn\'t go the way he did, he would have gone another way. It\'s not for us to say how or when. Holding you and squeezing you tight, Dawn
Rhonda, for me to say don\'t blame yourself would only make me a hypocrite! I can say that whenever a teenager first gets their license, they are inexperienced drivers and it can be scary. Unfortunately, we cannot protect our children, and be with them every second of the day. As much as we want to be. If we believe in God & in Heaven then we must believe that God knew before our children were even born how long they would be on this earth. We were blessed to have our children for the time we did, and we are blessed that one day ( not soon enough for us ) we will all be together again. I\'m working on guilt, and I would love for you to work on it with me. We can\'t blame ourselves. We did everything we could as mother\'s to protect our children, and both know that neither of us would of ever of done anything to purposely harm them. Just as I couldn\'t of imagined Heather being in a wreck and dieing with her dad, there was no way for you to foresee Josh in his accident. Please be easy on yourself. You are already dealing with so much. Take care of you, and try to do something relaxing for you. Remember how much we all love you, how much Josh loves you, and that now you have the best angel of all to watch over you...Love & hugs my friend.
Candice
my friend, our pain will not lesson, but we just learn to live with it. I just want you to know that nothing is your fault or your husband\'s. My heart and love go out to the both of you. I am also worried about my husband, he is blaming himself for not protecting our son, but how could he have known what would happen. Love and prayers Melissa
You can\'t let that guilt eat you up. You didn\'t do anything wrong, or cause this to happen. Accidents are just that, and I don\'t think we have any control over them. We are left to accept them and that is the hardest thing to do. We will always live with this pain of loosing our children, I\'m told that it never goes away. We just have to try to live our lives as our children would have wanted us too. I hope you find peace. Love and Hugs.
We could all fall into the what if\'s and if only\'s...but this does not accomplish anything. There is no blame...I am sure we all have regrets of things left undone or unsaid, but your son knows he was loved by you both...if not then then surely now. It is so hard especially for those parents of only children. But the feelings of loneliness, of loss of family and future are real and hard to heal. Hang in there. You are loved.
Ann
You have stated exactly how I feel. The guilt and pain are not getting softer as predicted. I wonder if they ever will. Praying you find a place of peace. Love and hugs cathy