Well here is Friday night and I am sitting here in front of this computer.  So many feelings inside and I just don't know where to start.  I love and miss my baby more than anything in this world.  It is a terrible thing I will never ever get over.  But I must continue on.  How I do not know?  I wish I knew what God had in store for John and I.  We are like in two different worlds.  I know ya'll keep telling me to be patient.  But my question is what happens to our marriage while I am being patient.  Right now he is in his chair probably a sleep or watching the Discovery Channel.  I hate to say it but the more I look at us the sadder I get.  Because the 16 years we had Josh there was no us.  It was Josh and I.  We would always include John but he never wanted to do anything with us.  So Josh and I would go.  I was 20 when we married I was 15 when we started dating.  I can't even remember what it was like back then.  But, I miss those days.  Maybe I put my marriage on the back burner when Josh was born.  Josh was my first and main concern.  Part of me really really wants to just go.  Get me a little apartment by myself.  But I know that is not what Josh would want.  But I think he would not want his daddy and I so unhappy.  Please help me take and choose the right path for me.   Josh, I love you and miss you more than you will ever know.  Next week will be 10 months.  10 months not seeing you smile, 10 months of not hearing you on the phone with Logan.  Josh, Mama is not happy.  Please Josh send me some kind of sign to show me the right way to go.  I need your and God's help.  Your daddy misses you too.  Please look out for me.  I love you, Joshie Pooh.

Replies

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deleted_user

I know your pain so well! I am here for you dear. Just hang tight. I want to tell you it will get better. but it has been over a year now...and the pain is no better. I have just learned how to appear better. Being alone...that is just not the answer. I am all alone...and it is lonelier than you can ever imagine. I was \"alone\" when I was with my \"ex\" and I have to say that this is worse yet. Everyone I loved is gone now...my mom, my dad, my aunts and uncles, several cousins, my only child. I have only my sister left and she is just not there for me. When I lost Alicia, I not only lost my only child but I lost my best friend. so, I know your pain. And men grieve differently...especially from what I have seen. God is there for you. Just pray and pray and pray. God DOES here you! Sometimes we have to be still...and listen ...He is there..guiding us...and leading us...and He sends us His special angels. Or maybe we become His special angels! Please do not hesitate to contact me..you know I know your pain. Big hugs for you! And lots of love! Lana
deleted_user
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It is so stressful on a marriage. Kids are your life until they leave the nest. Our\'s left the nest too early. I heard that close to 75% of marriages dissolve after the death of a child. I don\'t have any answers as I am blessed with a wonderful husband and we are best friends. You need to find your best friend again. Offer to do something he likes to do, the next time you choose something. Get out, even though your heart doesn\'t want to, go anyway. Make some demands, you have every right. Find something to do together. Have you been to a counselor? Maybe it will help. Thinking of you. Love Robin
deleted_user
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I am feeling you pain, hun. My son was my world as well and now I am struggling to find a purpose for my life. I am also in a marriage that has been on the rocks, even before my sons death. But, for now I\'m afraid to make any other changes since my son passed away so recently. Lana is right. Being alone at a time like this might not be a good idea. If there is no stress/conflict between you and your husband it may be best to hang in there until you are in a better place with the loss of your son. I\'m here for you if you want to talk. My thoughts and prayers are with you. Adrianne
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Everyone grieves differently. I have been married to my husband for 31 years. We are completely opposite. Even though it has been almost 11 month since my son has passed, the wounds are still close to the surface. I still cannot talk about Warren without holding back the tears. As for my husband, he holds a lot of his feelings inside. When he talks about Warren I usually have to walk away since I cannot hold back the tears. We usually try to take a day for ourselves and just go out. It does not matter where just away from the computer, phone and TV. We try to focus on each other. This does seem to help some. Wishing you peace and harmony. Your DS friend~ Sharlene
deleted_user
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Everyone is right hang in there remember the love that made you a family it has not gone anywhere it is still there. Men do grieve differently. We talk share our feelings and men hold them inside. It has been 4 years and my husband still has a hard time sharing his feelings. Maybe we just need to hold them more and expect less sharing afterall they are grieving to even if they don\'t share it with us. My thoughts and prayers are with you.
In faith, hope and love. Pam
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I have had the same problems in my marriage...you would think that at a time of crisis a family would rally together and be there for each other...my experience was different...my husband immediately got ill (grief/stress/run down) so I felt that I would not burdon him with my pain...he was hurting so much too. My kids didn\'t want to lean on either of us for the same reasons...so we all turned inward with our pain...we were like zombies all walking around and not sharing our grief or supporting one another...my daughter and I did for a while, but then she also turned inward...my other children had been living on their own for a few years, but Daren had just moved out about 6 months prior to his death...so I was already going through empty nest syndrome and trying to reconnect with my spouse (so here I am a mess--menopause/empty nest/aging parents/loss of a child)--after a year we are just starting to reconnect...it is hard...I was not happy (sometimes still am not)...but it is getting better...I am getting stronger (notice I did not say over it!) just better able to cope with my issues...I don\'t know what the future will hold, but right now it is OK...and just so you know, we still have not been able to reconnect fully on a physical level...I think it is because I have shored up my heart so much to protect it...but even that is improving. And yes...men do grieve differently...that is hard for me to accept as I tend to be more open with my emotions...men want to fix things and this is something that cannot be fixed...just slow healing. My heart goes out to you as I understand the pain and loneliness you feel. It is difficult to be \"alone\" when living with someone.
Take care, Love
Ann
deleted_user
deleted_user

I don\'t know the statistics but almost every book I\'ve read speaks of numerous divorces after a child crosses over. It\'s so sad and I\'m so sorry you and John are not communicating as you\'d like. I wish I could help, but know I can not. Perhaps counselling could help you both work through the problems. I know men don\'t like to talk, but talking is key to healing I think. I would advise against doing anything permanent to solve a temporary problem. I pray this is temporary. I\'m sorry. I care.
Wishing you peace and joy and comfort,
Teri
deleted_user
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The stats are very high for parents who lost a child to get divorced. You have to do something now to help prevent that from happening. The suggestions from the others are great, plan something for just the two of you to do without the TV, computer, etc. Join some type of club or class. go to dance lessons. You should set-up an appt with a marriage counselor right away. You have a chance to not become a statistics. Unfortunately, I am one of the stats and it is really hard to lose a child then lose your marriage. I wish I had the support and tools to try things to change my outcome. I needed to step up and become the stronger one who could fight for our marriage. If you can make it to the other side, you will become a stronger couple with a deeper friendship and love.
deleted_user
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There are two ways to go, together or apart. It\'s hard on a marriage, each person grieves so differently and communication seems to stop, because all you can think about is the loss. I don\'t know what to tell you but know I am in the same position. Bill and I live in the same house but that\'s about all we do together any more. Our kids would not want this but how we move back together I\'m not sure. I know if we help each other we can do it. Praying for your marriage and you. Love and hugs Cathy