I know it is green smiley day, but honestly I can not put one on this morning.  I went out to Josh this morning on my way to work to take down the Happy Birthday Balloons that everyone had left and someone has stolen my beautiful butterfly solar light that I had hanging.  I am really pissed off.  I called John crying my eyes out and my good friend Toni.  What common person would go to a grave a do something like that?  It was the only light like it out hanging out there.  Very unique.  Like Josh.  I want to thank each of you for sending all of the birthday wishes for Josh, John and I.  On Saturday I was up at 4:30 just could not sleep.  I read everyone's journals at 4:30 and cried for about a hour.  At 5:30, the time Josh was born, I lite a very special candle (Thanks Kathy).  I went into his room and smelled all of his clothes that still lay in his chair.  They are all clean except his sleep clothes he had on that morning.  I just cannot bring myself to wash them.  I will lose his smell forever.  At 8:45 I went up to pick up the birthday cake.  How beautiful it was with his picture on it.  A little guy helped me take it out and he said "Are you Josh's Mom?" I said "Yes, today is his birthday."  The guy said "I know and I miss him too. Can I give you a hug?"  I said "Yes" and cried some more.  I did not know this young man, but my Josh did.  I then stopped to pickup Happy Birthday Balloons.  I was talking to the woman about Josh and she told me just to picture his birthday party up in heaven.  She said she could not picture a more perfect birthday than to be in heaven with Jesus.  Well, from there to the scene of the accident.  I put two balloons on the cross there for Josh.  Cried and cussed.  I hate that place.  I went home John was sitting outside under the shelter of his barn.  I went to tell him about the Young Guy and I cried some more.  John got ready and we stopped by to see Josh and put balloons out.  I told John I wanted everyone that went out to that cemetery know that Saturday was my angels birthday.  We arrived at the party @ 11:15.  We had 27 show up.  WOW was I surprised, some came that I did not invite but Josh's friends past the word around and showed up.  They loved Josh and that I can proudly put on a smiley face for.  Afterwards, John and I left for TN for his family reunion.  It took us 6 hours.  I guess it was about 8:30 when we arrived.  Josh has been on my mind so much this weekend.  I am dying inside without him.  There was people at the reunion that were asking John's brothers and sister how many children they had.  Not one time, did anyone ask John and I.  Why I asked?  Josh's name was not mentioned one time yesterday at this reuion.  Maybe, that was a gift from Josh for John and I, because what would we have said.   I cried coming home and it was very quite trip home.  My goal today is just making it through today.  I love you Joshie Pooh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!