Well, I have not written for a couple of days. I just have not had the energy. Last week was terrible. This week has been pure hell. School started on Monday. Josh should have been starting his senior year. Not only was John and I cheated, but mainly Josh was cheated. I cried 1/2 of the day on Monday. I even went by the school on my way to work. How stupid was that? Josh is on my mind 24/7. I am so tried of all this pain. At my CF meeting Monday I was told to imagne all the love I had for Josh and turn all the love upside down and that is how much pain I have. Damn, that is alot of pain. This week I have the accident on my mind alot. Mainly just wondering what my baby was feeling or did he even realize what was going on. Josh died instantly. That sentence is still hard to type. JOSH DIED. This was suppose to never happen. Josh was my right arm. I am so lonely I just don't know what to do. One thing good has happened this week. The chief editor with the news paper here called and wants to interview John and I for adopting a highway for Josh. She wants to use pictures of our first clean up and pictures of Josh. I was so happy. This is one more thing I can say I did for Josh. Josh, honey please help your mama get through this. I miss you so much and ache for you even more. I love you with all of my heart.
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I can only imagine the pain and loss. I also lost my son it is 9 months day. I also have similar thoughts but I know these questions will never answer. I keep saying that it should have been me. My son had so much to live for and so did Josh. Why does life short change the good people. On a better note, I am so happy that you have the opportunity for the adopting a highway for Josh. He will be really proud. Sending you prayers of strength and comfort. Warren\'s Mom ~ Sharlene
I knnow exactly how you\'re feeling. School started yesterday for us. Andrew\'s best friend came to visit and we were talking about what he\'s going to do after high school. He has such good plans and all I could think was that Andrew\'s plans will never be. You\'re in my thoughts. Hang in there. Dawn
I feel your pain. I still have those questions, was John in pain did he need his Mom, was he aware he was all alone. I know I\'ll never get them answered but I ask them anyway. It\'s wonderful you will be able to honor Josh in such a way. May you find the courage and strenght to go forward. Love and hugs Cathy
It was not stupid to go by the school-his school was a part of his life and yours. I have gone and sat at places that were a big part of Chris\' life-it hurt but I guess I felt connected there-it is awesome that Josh will have a highway adopted in his name-you will feel sadness I\'m sure when you see it for the first time but I also hope you will feel the pride that comes from knowing you have a remarkable son. Love, Sandy
Oh sweetie, all I can say is I understand. I don\'t for a minute think it\'s stupid to go by the school. We are all wanting to get back what we have lost. All my love, Karen
My daughter Mandee would have been a Senior this year also. It is hard, so hard sometimes. I would like to think Mandee and Josh are up in heaven comparing school notes......Hugs to you, Linda
Right here with you Rhonda. I smiled for all of Kala\'s friends as they packed and moved to college....Kala didn\'t go with them....I cried a river of tears. Her first \"big\" adventure, and she never got the chance to experience it. But I can\'t focus of what she didn\'t do, I have to focus on what she did. Otherwise I sit here and cry and ache and can\'t move. Who can I tell about my Kala if I\'m lying in my bed miserable?? This is just me Rhonda, I don\'t pretend to know what you need or should do, I can only speak about me, from my heart. Kala\'s body died instantly also. Her BODY died, NOT my child. I\'m not sure if you read my journal about the dream Tammy\'s daughter Brooke had about Kala? Anyway, in this dream (which I believe was a vision and not a dream at all) Kala told Brooke that she had NO memory of the accident. She\'s perfectly happy, safe, whole, and has no interest in being told about the accident....it simply does not matter to her. I was relieved of so many fears by this message from Kala. I too feared the horror of that moment for Kala. I too feared her pain, her fear, her total and complete fear as the accident was occuring. I\'d imagine it over and over in my mind until I\'d nearly drive myself insane. \"I\" would, never Kala, Kala doesn\'t remember....why keep talking about it to her? Why keep saying \"I\'m so sorry Kala that it happened to you?\" Why continue to torment myself over something that, to Kala, isn\'t real. Marianne offered some insight as well. She says that Kala\'s spirit was already out of her body before impact. I believe that. So, Rhonda, my darling friend, you take that interview and you hold your head high and you tell the world \"JOSH WAS ON PLANET EARTH FOR A SHORT TIME, BUT OH, WHAT HE ACCOMPLISHED!\" And you tell the world of his wonder, of his humor, of his character, of his selfless acts, of his goofy pranks, of his lessons he taugh you, his mother. Tell the world of his life. Tell the world...we need to know.
Hugs from Teri and Kala