Not feeling to good this morning. 
This morning I got up and had a crying spell. I blame myself so badly for what happened to Josh. I kept telling myself it was not my fault. But, I pushed him so hard to get those damn license. I wish I could take back every word I said. I went into his room and told him just how sorry I was. Josh, honey, I love you more than life itself. I am trying my best to move on without you, but it is so hard. I need your help. I love you, Josh. Mama
This morning I got up and had a crying spell. I blame myself so badly for what happened to Josh. I kept telling myself it was not my fault. But, I pushed him so hard to get those damn license. I wish I could take back every word I said. I went into his room and told him just how sorry I was. Josh, honey, I love you more than life itself. I am trying my best to move on without you, but it is so hard. I need your help. I love you, Josh. Mama
Replies
honey, you were just being a parent. it isn\'t anything that we all haven\'t done. we sit back and wonder if we had done things differently would it have mattered and you know as sad as it is to say the answer is probably not. you are a wonderful mom and Josh knows that you were the best to him. He knows everything you did was out of love for him. never blame yourself for loving your son so much. i am thinking of you. i am here if you need me. love you, charlayne
Just as Charlayne said, you were just being a parent. We have all questioned and blamed ourselves and will probably never know the answers to our \'why\'s\'. Josh knows you were a wonderful mother and will be there to let you know. Love, Karen
Rhonda, did you think you could just delete us and we would forget you existed? Sorry, sweetheart, but it\'s not that easy. There are many of us who care very much for you. We\'re pests, perhaps, but we are YOUR pests! I would be willing to bet that Josh wouldn\'t have traded you for any other mother on earth. He loved you and he loves you still. Things happen for a reason (yup, I\'m sick of hearing that, too) and we may never know what the reason is until we get to where we\'re going at the end of OUR time here. We just have to keep moving and stop blaming ourselves. I would like you to go read Mari3333\'s journal from a few weeks ago, the one where she talks about things Joey taught her in this journey. Just replace Joey with Josh and read it, then read it again and again. Rhonda, we are here to stay, so let us help, okay? love you - Barbara
Rhonda, the journal that Barb is referring too. I copied, took out Joey\'s name, added Jake\'s and put it on my bathroom mirror to remind myself everyday. It helps. Lots of hugs, Jake\'s mom, Kathy
Rhonda you are his Mom and loving Moms is something kids do. Josh loved you and now you must love you and cut yourself a break. You did what you knew to do and that\'s what we all do
we all blame ourselves. we cant help it. but it is not our fault. if we would have known that they were gonna die we would have done anything we could to stop it, but we didnt know. josh knows how much you love him and he loves you so much too. it still hurts so bad and we want to just make it all better. well i hope your day gets better.
love alissa
I read somewhere \"if you could have you would have\". I think that says a lot about how we need to view the guilt thing. I was driving when my daughters died so I know guilt. A good friend said \"guilt is not of God\"
Please don\'t blame yourself. I pushed my kids to get their licenses, too, because I needed help chauffering everybody around. That is not why this happened. You had no idea that this would happen. Things just happen. Only God knows why.