Still feeling kinda low this morning. I walked with my good friend Toni last night and had a good talk with her. This morning was the first morning in a while I had a bad crying spell before I left to go to work. I went and sat in Josh's room and the tears came running out. I finally took a happy pill to get me to work and focus on today. I just my boy so much. The 24th will be five months. How can I go through Mother's Day without Josh? I told my mother and brothers not to include me in anything they plan for that day. I don't think I want to be around my family. Is that wrong? It made my mama mad her comment was "She was a mother too". But my response to her was "Her three children are alive, my only one is dead". I think this should be a day today the things I want to do. I ask John if we could go riding. Just go visit Josh and stick together Sunday. My own mother does not know what it is like to lose a child. Yes, she has lost her mother, 2 husbands, but NO CHILD. I think I am dreading Sunday so bad it is making me sick. The house is not the same with Josh gone. My life is not the same. I am not the same person I was before Christmas Eve, 2006. Just need to get through day by day. I love you Josh, Mama
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I think you should just get away and do whatever makes you feel good.
I hope your mother can understand this. Losing a child is the deepest pain there is...I think. I\'ve lost others that I\'ve loved in the family, and was very sad...but nothing like losing my daughter.
You do whatever you want to on Sunday. I wish I could be like you and go away but with other children it makes it hard because you have to act happy about things even though you aren\'t in the least. But it is called \"Mothers Day\" so do what you the Mother wants to do.
We have a day in comman, the 24th! Honey we will never be the same people we were before that Christmas Eve. Your Josh and our Branden are growing in GODs grace and waiting for us to complete our time on earth.
I helped raise Branden so my loss is like a mothers, he was my baby from the time he was born. His mother worked in our business and Branden was there with us. We went places together and he shared his problems with me. He lived in our home for about four years, then rented one of our houses 2 blocks away. He came to see us everyday somethimes more. Always asking how are you Gram? One of the last things he said to me was, \"Gram if anything happened to you I wouldn\'t be able to stand it!\" I replyed \"I feel the same way about you!\" Then within a month he was gone from my reach and I barely can stand it, some days I simply can\'t!
When I read your journal entrees I feel your pain. God help YOU!
I agree as well. I feel you should do what you feel you need to. If you want to just be with John and go for a ride you should do it. It will do you and John good to be together to talk or just be company. I believe you Mom should understand that you need to get through each day and that she needs to trust you. That you are not doing to hurt her you need it for yourself. Go for it. Prayers of comfort. Warren\'s mom (Sharlene)
yes do what ever you want to do on mothers day and everyone that doesnt understand will just have to deal with it. you have to deal with something way worse everyday so dont sweat it if you cant be with family on mothers day. hopefully your mom will understand. I hope you can create some memories this sunday that will be special to you and your hubby. take care
love alissa
Your doing the best you can...and thats good. I have found that the days leading up to a holiday or special days like birthdays are the worst...the anticipation. Once the day comes...you get through it...then when its over...you realize..\"I did it\"...I agree that you need to do what is best for you...don\'t let anyone, even mama, tell you how to grieve. There is no \"right\" way....so whatever way is good for you IS the right way. I get comments from my mom from time to time...I really think that they just can\'t stand to see us in so much pain....its hard for them....maybe they are in a bad dream and also want to \"wake up\". Maybe for them if holidays ect..are celebrated in the normal fashion as in years past..then they think it would somehow make it easier for us, having family around ect......I don\'t know. But I also had to say those very same words to my mama....\"you have\'nt lost your daughter, I have.\" It hurt saying it...but I had to. I just think that sometimes they being our moms..want to make it all better and say the wronge thing sometimes. My mom asked me the other day if I was still on any meds. I told her not as of 5 weeks ago. She joyfully says \" GOOD GIRL!!\" \"Now you can REALLY feal NORMAL grief\" I just looked at her.....I did\'nt say anything. What in the hell is she talking about?! NORMAL grief? ALL this time I have\'nt been feeling normal grief? You mean NOW I have to feal NORMAL grief? Man...I\'m doomed. I know she just thinks that if I\'m NOT on any meds, then I\'m \"stronger\". She has no clue. I know she does\'nt. I wanted to tell her if I had\'nt been on any meds, that she may have burried her own daughter. I could\'nt do that. I hope I never have to.
I\'m sorry your having your first mothers day without Josh with you here on this earth. You know that he is with you though, and that you will make it through Sunday. Mothers days will never get much easier, maybe a little less sting than the \"first\"...but still hard. You should always do what is best for you. Your a mom...and it is your day..so spend it how you please. Peace to you, and lots of love. Theresa