Well, I had to celebrate my 40th birthday Saturday without Josh. I got up Saturday went into his room and burned an insense for him and cried for about an hour and a half. I just kept thinking I must have done something really bad for God to have done this to me and John. Why Josh? Why not me? I told my family not to plan anything for me, but my loving husband planned me a surprise party. I love him dearly. I was OK when I first got there until I saw Josh's girlfriend and her mother. I just went to them and hugged them and cried some more. My party was good. Would have been better if Josh was there. After John and I left the party we went to see Josh. I cried some more and kept saying it is not supposed to be this way. We were not supposed to be visiting his grave, he was to visit ours. Josh, I love you with all of my heart.
Replies
you have done nothing bad. never think you have. and trust me, it will be one of the first questions out of my mouth when i hit those pearly gets........why did you allow this? i\'m glad you had a good party...bittersweet. Josh was there with you!!! happy belated b\'day.
{{{hugs}}}
Hi I ask myself those questions almost everyday but We didnt do anything, I know the pain of not having your child on your birthday Ashley passed away on mine,I will never celebrate mine again..I ask why she was allowed to live for a week and then everything was taken away, questions we will never know,Dont be hard on yourself and If you need someone to talk to Im here..I say the same when I go to Ashley\'s grave how could this be? and it always hits me like a ton of bricks..again Im here
Kim
Kim