Day 1
Day 1 of my new no contact....
I only have negative things to say to her now. I want to talk to her just to shout and scream at her, force her to understand that she has been bad. I don't believe that she thinks she has been good for a second; when she broke up with me I told her that she was the best girlfriend that I ever had, and she laughed. She laughed and said that it really wasn't true. I think laughter was an inappropriate response, but I believe that she knows that she has wronged me.
Her reasons, I will never understand. I guess that sometimes people do bad things to the people they love in order to push them away. She is no good to me now, I was going to marry her, but I could never do that now....
So, day 1: I must resist the urge to email her hate messages, which I really want to do. She knew me as a kind and loving person, I don't want her to have the satisfaction of knowing that I can stoop to her level. I was kind and loving and gentle, and I can make people laugh. Even though I may have lost that person right now, It is only day 1. I will reclaim my good identity, nobody has a right to take my good qualities away from me.
The only thing holding me back right now are memories, and fixations on her and this new guy, I have already seen them flirting together when we were together, and that image haunts me. I must find a way to make it stop.
I wish i could say that I can just get up and walk into the sunset, but I know that I have to climb rocky terrain, I have to wade through mud and cross acres of bracken. When I reach the other side I will be proud of myself.
wish me luck
I only have negative things to say to her now. I want to talk to her just to shout and scream at her, force her to understand that she has been bad. I don't believe that she thinks she has been good for a second; when she broke up with me I told her that she was the best girlfriend that I ever had, and she laughed. She laughed and said that it really wasn't true. I think laughter was an inappropriate response, but I believe that she knows that she has wronged me.
Her reasons, I will never understand. I guess that sometimes people do bad things to the people they love in order to push them away. She is no good to me now, I was going to marry her, but I could never do that now....
So, day 1: I must resist the urge to email her hate messages, which I really want to do. She knew me as a kind and loving person, I don't want her to have the satisfaction of knowing that I can stoop to her level. I was kind and loving and gentle, and I can make people laugh. Even though I may have lost that person right now, It is only day 1. I will reclaim my good identity, nobody has a right to take my good qualities away from me.
The only thing holding me back right now are memories, and fixations on her and this new guy, I have already seen them flirting together when we were together, and that image haunts me. I must find a way to make it stop.
I wish i could say that I can just get up and walk into the sunset, but I know that I have to climb rocky terrain, I have to wade through mud and cross acres of bracken. When I reach the other side I will be proud of myself.
wish me luck
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