My 2 oldest sons are 19 & 23 and live on their own. And I have a son, 16 and a daughter, 14, who both live with their dad. It was supposed to be a temporary thing while I dealt with ending my 2nd marriage (it only lasted a year), but it's been 3 years now and they are still with their father. My daughter wants so badly to live with me again. My ex & his wife manipulated things & took advantage of my vulnerability...I just didn't know how to fight them. I was a stay-at-home mom for 18 years & had primary care for the first 3 years after the divorce. Being alone without my kids full time is the biggest reason I've struggled with depression. I only see them 2 weekends a month...although, my son doesn't come much anymore. But we did have a wonderful Christmas holiday together. I had all 4 of my kids with me at my parents' home. But after we all went our separate ways & I returned to my tiny 1 bdrm apt., I fell apart. Even though my ex-husband abused me throughout our 18 year marriage, I stayed pretty positive because I had my children & my faith. But the last few years it's been very hard...bad relationships, losing my house, paying useless lawyers, financial struggles, antidepressants that made things worse, feeling suicidal, etc. I'm so tired of being unhappy. When depression hits it's like a black hole & it feels impossible to climb out. Then sometimes I wake up one day and I feel fine again. I managed to keep a job for about 10 months. I think it helped me feel better about myself. I even started a 2nd job. I was making lots of money & did great for about 6 weeks. Then it got too overwhelming & I lost the 2nd job. Depression began to set in for various reasons and 3 weeks later I lost my main job. It's just been a downward spiral since then. I feel so stuck...trapped. I struggle with making decisions about my life...how to get my daughter back, where to live, where to work or whether to work or go to school, etc. There is really no reason why my daughter can't live with me. No court took my kids away. Just a stubborn, controlling man against the woman he abused for so many years that she couldn't fight back. (It's a long story really). But I feel helpless because I'm so financially strapped and I don't even have a room for her. I was the one who raised & took care of my children for all those years. I did everything...took care of my home & family, grew a garden, canned food, went to church, had church callings (jobs), drove for fieldtrips, volunteered at school & church, took my kids to music & swimming lessons, took care of the banking & bookkeeping, etc, etc..........  I ended the marriage because I couldn't take the verbal, emotional, mental & sexual abuse any longer. He was killing my spirit & it was hurting our children. Then, because I made the mistake of trusting him & his new wife (I've always tried to see the good in people...pfft...stupid sometimes), he ended up with the kids, I ended up with no money, lost my home, gave up on my religion (my mistake really)...now I live in a tiny apartment alone. It's just so wrong.