Frustration
Last night I went to this group again at St.James. I was there last week and thought it was pretty good.
It seems to be a mixture of people, straight, and gay. We were taking turns talking about some different topics, and I decided to take a turn. I've talked before at groups in the past, and even got up to tell my story, but since coming back this time I haven't said too much. I thought I would give it a try though.
I was just telling about my experience since coming out of prison. Everyone else had a turn, and I was the last one. While I was talking this one lady started putting on her gloves, and shortly after left the group. A couple of minutes later they cut me off and said it was time to end the meeting. I felt very embaressed, and humiliated about it.
I don't think I was going on overly long. I was pissed when I left. I thought that was so rude to do to somebody, especially in an A.A, meeting. Even the lady getting up to leave. We all sat and listened to her shit, the least she could do is show the same respect for others.
I was swearing about it after I left. I wanted to call my sponsor, but because of the sweat in my back pocket I couldn't make out the last number, and I kept dialing wrong. I calmed down about it after I started to think about it. Perhaps the lady had to go somewhere, I don't know. I still think that it's wrong. And interrupting someone when they are in the middle of talking is just wrong. I'm really not sure if I want to go to that one again.
Yes, I know I'm being sensitive. I am. I feel things now, and yes sometimes it sucks. I didn't think about drinking though. I know that's not an option for me. To drink is to die for me, I believe.
I went to this boot camp style treatment center a long time ago and they taught us that you never get up during a meeting. You stay and show the people you care. You look the other person in the eye when you talk to them, and you certainly don't leave the room, or cut off a person. What would happen if I was someone just new to A.A? I could have been somebody that had just lost everything, and was coming to the meeting as a last resort at my wits end. Damned stupid if you ask me.
I am alright today, I think. My stomach feels like I have a bit of a knot in it, and I woke up too early in the morning and I'm a little tired. Yup, things are starting to bug me. Even here at the Neighbours club I feel like telling people off. Just getting fed up being around all these people that don't seem to give a rats ass about anything. I find the same at the shelter. All it seems to take is one stupid comment to throw me off.
We had this monthly meeting at the shelter too. I hate those things. they talk to us like we are children or something. Just rules on top of rules. Yes, I know we need them. It would be chaos without them, but it can really bug me day after day, after day.
Still no signs of any jobs. I'm keeping busy, but I do want to get away, but I have no where to go. I'm stuck, and I don't like this feeling.
Perhaps I'm feeling funny because of going down on the methadone. I'm at 17mg now. I want off that damned shit. I don't like going to the clinic and being around all those crazy people. They are nuts too. All these nuts,the shelter, here at The Neighbours club. Sometimes it can just be a little too much, I want to get away from it. I want to be around good people again. When I was in Milton, I liked it, but that was long ago. I wish I could find something like that again.
Anyway, I'm going to a meeting tonight. It's my home group. Maybe I'll fire my sponsor or something. Just seem to be going ahead on my own anyway.
No, I am alright. Just not that great of a day. Thank you, Lord.
It seems to be a mixture of people, straight, and gay. We were taking turns talking about some different topics, and I decided to take a turn. I've talked before at groups in the past, and even got up to tell my story, but since coming back this time I haven't said too much. I thought I would give it a try though.
I was just telling about my experience since coming out of prison. Everyone else had a turn, and I was the last one. While I was talking this one lady started putting on her gloves, and shortly after left the group. A couple of minutes later they cut me off and said it was time to end the meeting. I felt very embaressed, and humiliated about it.
I don't think I was going on overly long. I was pissed when I left. I thought that was so rude to do to somebody, especially in an A.A, meeting. Even the lady getting up to leave. We all sat and listened to her shit, the least she could do is show the same respect for others.
I was swearing about it after I left. I wanted to call my sponsor, but because of the sweat in my back pocket I couldn't make out the last number, and I kept dialing wrong. I calmed down about it after I started to think about it. Perhaps the lady had to go somewhere, I don't know. I still think that it's wrong. And interrupting someone when they are in the middle of talking is just wrong. I'm really not sure if I want to go to that one again.
Yes, I know I'm being sensitive. I am. I feel things now, and yes sometimes it sucks. I didn't think about drinking though. I know that's not an option for me. To drink is to die for me, I believe.
I went to this boot camp style treatment center a long time ago and they taught us that you never get up during a meeting. You stay and show the people you care. You look the other person in the eye when you talk to them, and you certainly don't leave the room, or cut off a person. What would happen if I was someone just new to A.A? I could have been somebody that had just lost everything, and was coming to the meeting as a last resort at my wits end. Damned stupid if you ask me.
I am alright today, I think. My stomach feels like I have a bit of a knot in it, and I woke up too early in the morning and I'm a little tired. Yup, things are starting to bug me. Even here at the Neighbours club I feel like telling people off. Just getting fed up being around all these people that don't seem to give a rats ass about anything. I find the same at the shelter. All it seems to take is one stupid comment to throw me off.
We had this monthly meeting at the shelter too. I hate those things. they talk to us like we are children or something. Just rules on top of rules. Yes, I know we need them. It would be chaos without them, but it can really bug me day after day, after day.
Still no signs of any jobs. I'm keeping busy, but I do want to get away, but I have no where to go. I'm stuck, and I don't like this feeling.
Perhaps I'm feeling funny because of going down on the methadone. I'm at 17mg now. I want off that damned shit. I don't like going to the clinic and being around all those crazy people. They are nuts too. All these nuts,the shelter, here at The Neighbours club. Sometimes it can just be a little too much, I want to get away from it. I want to be around good people again. When I was in Milton, I liked it, but that was long ago. I wish I could find something like that again.
Anyway, I'm going to a meeting tonight. It's my home group. Maybe I'll fire my sponsor or something. Just seem to be going ahead on my own anyway.
No, I am alright. Just not that great of a day. Thank you, Lord.
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