Been having the worst days of my life. Tomorow I will get more into it, but the time for real change has to be now. No fucking around. Almost took a chance on losing my two cats, and it scared the hekk out of me. the pain killers have tqaken me to a point that I just can't stand things, or my life. It's either die or get well. God has been great to me and it's time to start following him. Please Lord, let me do that. I feel like the only choices I have left are to die or get well. Weighed myself today and I'm down to 147lbs. I thought I was much more better, but I'm sicker than I thought. I'm sorry to everyone I let down, but mostly I let myself down. I'm facing the truth now, and no more lieing. I need help badly. Please pray and forgive me. I really need support badsly. I don't want to mention all the things that happened in the past two days yet, but I will. Please be with me Lord. Thank you. This system seems to have something wrong with it, and I have to find whats wrong. Anyway it's been a very rough day. I can't get the moods I feel, but right now I feel bad, but hopefull that because of all the wrong I've done, I can now try and start fresh.