Feeling pretty down. Just about ready to give up everything. Just so tired of trying, and not having anyone in my life. All the friends I thought I had, both here, and where I live just aren't there anymore. I don't blame them. It is hard to have hope in this. Perhaps they have given up on me also, as I seem to be doing with myself. I don't want to live as an addict. It's way too much of a struggle, and I'm tired. I think I have given all I can, and I just can't see doing anymore. The main thing I want to take care of is my cats. I want to find a home where they can be together, and looked after good. After that , well, I know it's a cop out, but I think I just want to check out. I'm just too tired, and can't see any way out of this. All I ever wanted was just some peace, but after all this time, I've come to the conclusion that that just isn't possible. The addiction is just too much for me, and I don't want to live a life like this. I think it's better to fold your cards, rather than try bluffing your way through life. I know I'm a phoney. I want to play the part of a good person, but it just doesn't seem to be in my sole. I've asked God plenty for help, but I seem to be beyond that. Just very tired.