Today was a pretty good day. I was disapointed tho going to the clinic. It wasn't to see the Dr, it was to see a counselor instead. Yes, I was judgemental about her. She was very young, looked like she was just out of university, clinical white teath, and looked like she had never even smelled alcohol or taken an aspirin in her life. I was even more disapointed to find that the earliest I can see the Dr is October the 18. that's another three weeks. That's a very long time, along with the time I've gone through already. It means a lot more struggling just to get through things. I already feel very tired. It is very hard maintaining. I will do it. I really don't have any choice, but to do it. Oh well, no use bitching about it. I was surprised when I got there. Standing in front having a smoke was a former counselor from Halton House when I first went through there eleven years ago. I've seen him many times at meetings around here since comming to Kitchener. One time I was talking to him, and he made a comment when I told him i was finally trying to listen to people. He off handedly said something simple like, "You think it's time." Or something like that, but it really left me angry. I still feel that today. It seemed like a comment that said, "I have it, and you still haven't." Lots of people say that kind of thing, and it just rattles me a lot. I don't usually say anything to things like that, because I think it's just foolish ego talk. Anyway, there he was, just like me. Getting his methadone because he really didn't have it with his 22 years of sobriety. My old self would have liked to throw a jab his way, but I don't do that no matter who it is, or how I feel about them. Actually I felt for him. He looked so differant. He's the hugest man I have ever seen. Used to hang with bikers, and fight a lot. Got sober at a young age, and appeared to do well in recovery. About 3 years ago he had a car accident and hurt his legs pretty bad. Apparently he was given pain killers, and got addicted, and now here he is getting his meth. I kept my thoughts to myself, and stopped to chat and have a smoke with him. In a way he seemed like just a big baby. I don't mean that in a bad way. Just his size and looks make your first impressions that he was really tough, but he's just a hurting person trying to do what he needs to do to find some happiness in life. He didn't look as well as I've seen him in the past. He seemed not as well as I previously seen him. Unshaven, hair kinda scragly, and skin kind of an off colour. Guess I don't look the same either. It does make me sad when I see that. Actually he made a comment about how I look like I lost weight, and I know I have. Just made me think that you never know what's in life, or what tomorrow will bring. All we ever have is now. Anyway, I worked with Ray today. He's another friend and partner of Pauls. I like Ray more for some reason. He seems more like a person just trying to live life. I've never seen him show some of the traits that I don't like about Paul, and Bob, and some others of their kind. He has a rooming house, and the people really made a mess of it while he was on vacation. Through paint all over the walls and just destroyed the room. It's going to take a few days to fix. He was telling me that his finances are in the negative now. Aparently the two groups of people from two apartments there owed him about three months rent and skipped out. I guess he tried to be nice, and got burned. I don'tn like that with good people like him. I started thinking that I would rather be a tennant with him rather than Bob. If only his place wasn't so run down. I kinda want to help him. I could look after that place and keep things in order. That's the problem. he gave too much, and the people just took all they could. even while working there I got after one of the tennants and gave him shit. I was upstairs and looked off the balcony and this guy's pissing in the bushes in the backyard, right by the back door where another lady tennant lives with her kids. The guy just lives upstairs but was too drunk. He's a real bad alcoholic. The kind that's too far gone to get back. His friend was falling down drunk too and started mouthing off to me. Later he came back with some more booze for them to drink, but I wouldn't let him in. They both were blind drunk, so I told him the party was over and to go somewhere else. Ray just let me take charge and didn't say anything. I think he's too polite or something, but I have no problem with that sort of thing. I really hate seeing drunks. I know their sick, and it's not the person I hate. It's the result of the booze I hate. I know what it's done to me, and I just hate seeing it, even tho I struggle myself. Anytway, it's late and I'm tired. Thank you Lord for my home, and cats. Thank you.