Well, feeling pretty good today. Starting back at the sobriety Center. Not really excited about that, but I know I need to get busy doing something. For the last month or so, all I've been doing is meetings, and staying home on the computer. Lots of napping too with Jet. She's really a treat having her here. I'm so glad to have found her, and that I have given her a home where she's happy. She loves to play a lot now with Jimmy. She howls for Jimmy to play with her, and she just gets right into it. Running in and out of the bedroom, on the bed and all over. That makes me happy. She's the perfect playmate for Jimmy, and they love each other. Anyway, I'm going to take some books with me so I can study, and read. I'm reading about addictive thinking. It's pretty good, and says exactly how I was. It's nice when you do start understanding whats been going on with yourself, instead of just thinking you were nuts. When I thought that, I didn't want to talk about stuff, but now I see others the same, I feel good. We all have problems. Been feeling like I'm getting stronger too with my recovery. I was a little concerned because I had some reservations about still using, but they seem to be getting weaker as time goes on. I felt like I was kind of on the fence about recovery, and using. Because of the step study group I'm going to, the meetings, and time, I feel more like real recovery is happening. Perhaps it was because I've had such a hard time with relapsing, and didn't think recovery was really possible. At times I ponder the idea about using, but I think of the consequences. I'm older now, and I know I have used for a lot of years without any major physical consequences. With crack, I know there is a real possibility that I could die with the next one. I always felt things with my heart when doing it. I remember times having small seizures too, so that does scare me. I also know that it could take away everything that I have very easily. God has been very good to me. I have a hell of a lot going for me, that others in the same situation don't even come near. That's not bragging, it's a fact. My apartment is very nice. I see others on O.W, but they always live in a room with nothing. Usually they are users tho. I have a lot of nice things. I know where I prehaps should have ended up. On the streets, and with nothing. Only reason I'm not there is I could never accept that way of living, and the fear of it would never let me give in. Anyway, I have to get ready. Thank you Lord for everything, and I am happy that I'm clean.
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