Life is good

  Just a lazy day today. Had a snooze with the cats after the meeting. Cleaned up my place. I feel so good when it's clean. Not always so easy keeping up with that, but much easier than when I was drinking. That's for sure. Just didn't have the energy, and just couldn't care enough. This is by far better. Just ate too, and I'm just stuffed. That's a good feeling too. I remember way back having nothing at all. I would steal a can of tuna or something, just because I knew I needed something in my stomach. Sure has been a rough road, but it's good, and worth it. I feel I'm on a good road now. I really have a good fear when I get thoughts of drinking. It's pretty scary when I remember that emotional turmoil. Pushing people away that I care about, because of knowing that I'm not capable of maintaining a relationship. I enjoy being with people now, and I can have good relationships. That's really cool. My cats help me to have something to care for, and to love. That's important in recovery. We need love. I can't survive without love. The worst thing about drinking that I remember is knowing that I couldn't have any love, or give it. It just doesn't go together. God is love, and you can't have the spirit of God, along with the spirit of drugs or alcohol. It's either Gods way, or hell. I understand that now. Funny how I find so much of the bible is so true, and it really does relate with today, just as it did when it was written, about two thousand years ago. It's really an amazing book. Hard to understand at times, but when things are interpreted through differant means it's really amazing. It's getting close to when my friend is comming here. i'm getting excited about that. I think I'm going to paint my bedroom again. Sheldo and his kid messed up the walls a bit. What a frigging nightmare he was. Don't miss him whatsoever. Never again do I want to get to that point where I rent my place to people just because I need the money. Only needed it to drink or use anyway, but those times created a lot more stress and problems than it solved. Didn't solve anything. Hell, i needed to drink even more just so i wouldn't kill the jerk. Yup, real nightmare. The money i got never even helped anyway. I had to drink a hell of a lot more just to drown out the anger it brought. I think that was one of my worst experiances. Could make a movie about that one. The nightmare of Sheldon, and his kid from hell. Really could be a good movie for recovery. not many people would ever want that experiance, if they ever lived through it. I don't feel any anger about it anymore. I know Sheldon is a sick person. He will reap what he sows. We all do. I just never want to ever see them again. I've been doing so much better with less. I find I really don't need to much to get by. I really have everything I need, and then some. I'm pretty comfortable. Talking with Amy each night, and day has helped a lot. Made me really see how drinking affects the people around you. I don't want that. She's a pretty cool person. I find it amazing that she finds interest in me, but I like it. I do really like myself now, and I see I am a good person. it's what I always wanted. Still have trouble accepting compliments, or hearing good things, but it's a lot better. I love her. She really is a neat person. Wants the same as me. Peace, and happiness. Thank you Lord.