Soon

  What a stressfull day. I forgot to fill out my monthly income report for O.W, so my check will be late. being out with Bob didn't help either. i was already in a rush to get things done, and the time was ticking. Bob wanted to drive me to the bank, but then he picks up another guy and takes him to his bank, then he runs into another guy and has to stop for awhile. Geez, I felt like yelling at him. Then he goes by my bank because he's talking on the cell phone. He doesn't pay attention when he's on the phone. I had to yell at him because he went through a stop sign, then he's stopped at a green light, and I have to tell him to go. I think anyone that's driving with him would need a drink after. he really drives like a moron. most times it doesn't bother me that much, but I knew I was going to be late. Then I realize I forgot the money at home to pay the hydro. By then I was at the bus station, and there was just no way i could make detox, so i called them and they said to come at 9pm. I was pretty frazled by the time I got home. I am glad it's at that time tho. this way I can get the paper work done and just go to bed. Hope I can sleep. I really don't like being confined to that bubble. It's not too hard after you get out of there, but that thing can really be a bitch. All you can do is sit at your bed, or lie down. It's kinda dark with big windows that they watch you through. I've had a hard time in the past with that. Sometimes you get so antsie, that it can become unbearable, especially when you can't smoke. They only let you have one cigarette after each meal, and if you miss that, your shit out of luck. I just have to try. I'll be alright if I get through that first day, but that's when the mind kicks into overdrive because of the suppression the alcohol causes. that's mostly the time people decide to leave. The mind says, "I got to do this!, Oh no, What about this? I just have to get this done." But I know from past, all I have to do is sit, and let things be. The mind can really be something when all you do is identify with it. It tries to creat things that will prevent you from doing what you need to do, and that works best with people that drink, or use drugs. at least I'm aware of a lot that goes on during detoxification. doesn't mean I have a blackbelt in it, but at least I'm aware of it. I am glad I'm home tho. I know i'll miss jimmy, and Jet. At least with this extra time I'm going to have dinner with them. They are so beautifull. a real blessing from God. They comfort me, make me laugh, and provide me with love, and I'm able to love them and care for them. my favourite time is at night when Jet gets under the blankets, and curls up to my belly and I hear her purring. Then Jimmy comes and wants under the blankets too, but usually doesn't stay. She likes her own thing. i have to still keep corecting myself because I still think of Jimmy as a he. What a blunder that was. It's so nice when you have love in your life, even from pets. Actually I find pets give love a lot more unconditional than most people. Ah, i'm getting a bit into my head now. dangerous teritory. If only life could be smooth. Adam, why did you fuck things up? Thank you Lord for all your doing. It is a beautifull world you gave us. Once we look past the shit that we create.