Feeling pretty good these days. I have a cold now, and even that is better than drinking, or using. Yesterday I did some shopping for vegetables and stuff. On my way home I stopped for a slice of pizza. ( Dirty prick charged $ 4.00 for a slice and pop. That pissed me off.") I sat inside the place just watching out the window. There was this hooker outside on the corner, and I seen this little guy I bought off once. I could see he was looking. He' s a pretty messed up person. Just totally consumed with getting and using. Anyway, he stops at the hooker and they talk. Then she's digging around in her purse, and looking for sings of cops. Him too. I couldn't beleive they were doing this so stupidly, and in the open. Almost right outside the window I was sitting at. Just goes to show how drugs mess with your thinking. I had some money on me, and I was trgigered by this My stomach had butterflies and knots in it, but I just sat there and thought about everything. I didn't want to end up with a needle in my arm, pissed off after, depressed because of spending my money, having those thoughts of wanting to die, having to drink because I felt so bad, loseing my self respect and all the good feelings I have now, perhaps even loseing the job that I haven't even started yet..........Nah. It's just not worth it. There's really a lot to lose. I have someone that I care for, and love and I know that I wouldn't be able to do that if I use. I would want to lie and not tell the truth, which would only make me feel more disgusted with myself. I started walking down the street home, and the guy was on the other side of the street. He was so preocupied with his drugs that he didn't even notice me. Always amazes me how preocupied users can be that they can see you one time, but have no clue who you are later. He still had his cell phone glued to his ear. He was heading to the House of freindship. Just another reminder of where drugs could take me. I remember lots of people in my younger years would be so dumb founded when I tried to talk about being triggered with using. Especially after I had come out of a terible situation. I know now that being triggered is a normal thing, that's will happen to any addict. My addiction still lives within me, and it remembers and wants to get high. Doesn't mean I want to. I don't. When I was at Halton House they talked about being triggered. Actually they even showed videos that they hoped would trigger you. It's a very important thing to know about if you want to recover. You need to know the signs, and the things that triggers do to your body. At one time if I got triggered, I would just simply go with it, and use. I didn't have to this time, and I'm glad. When I got home I felt good. I had the groceries that I bought. Lots of good healthy bannanas, and vegetables and stuff. My apartment was clean and nice. My two cats were there waiting for me to love them. Yea, using would really cost too much. It's a lot more than just the money. I would lose my spirit, and I need that to live. Thank you so much, Lord. Thank you.