Went to my meeting today, and had a really neat experiance. There was a lot of people there, but when we split into groups to talk, I went to this one room and only this one gentleman came there. That was very odd, but we went ahead anyway because all you need is two for a meeting. I talked first. We didn't pick any particular topic, so I just talked of how I felt today, which is very gratefull. My eyes are really being opened to a lot of things lately because of the work I do with Bob. I see how so many people struggle because of their addictions, or their inability to accept people, places or things in life. I'm constantly being reminded of the ways I was going, through the things I see. I really created my own misery. I find when I stop fighting to make life go a certain way, the ways I thought it should be, and just go with the flow of God, things are good. And I don't need to worry, although I still do, because often I'm not sure that God knows what he's doing, but he does everything works out well when I just get me out of the way. The "I". The person that I try, or think I should be. If I just live, and do whatever needs to be done, life is good. My cats remind me of this each day. They don't worry, get depressed, get anxious, or any of that great stuff us so inteligent humans like to do. They just do what they need to do. Look at how many of us are on medications, or have to see Dr's and others just to cope with life. It's incredible, and we have the odosity to call ourselves superior because of our inteligence. I think it's our so called inteligence that causes all the problems we have. But then we like to blame God for all the things that are wrong. Look at the planet that God gave us to look after. Do we do that, or are we destroying it. I think we destroy almost all we touch when we do it on self will. For what we ourselves want. In other words, selfishness. If we were God centered things would be good. God doesn't cause all the disasters, wars, drugs, or any of the pain that we humans blame him for. It's our own selfish nature that makes us human that causes our troubles. God gave us everything we ever would need, he also gave us the privledge of choice so that we could choose to love him, but often we choose not to because he probably won't give us the things we want. If we are wanting things out of a selfish nature, are they really what we need. I look back on my life at all the things I used to think I wanted, and in hindsight I can see that they couldn't make me happy, only temporarily. Drugs, money, material things only bring a tempoary happiness that never last. We always want something more. We go through life, "If I only had this, if my job was differant, if, should have..." Never completly satisfied. It's not just addicts, and alcoholics that do this, although when they do it's to the extreme. Everybody does this, and to the degree varies depending how selfish we are. That word selfish, and self centered used to sound so nasty to me because when I was younger it was something that was bad, and looked down upon, but I understand, and accept it now that it is part of my human nature. I can't get rid of it no matter what I do. The bible calls it the curse of Adam. Well, I didn't know Adam, but I know we all deal with it. Where the heck did all this come from. I got so far away from starting out to just write about the meeting. Surprises me how much I can type with one finger. Pretty good pecking, I'de say. Anyway, this other gentleman had just come back from a relaps. Had 18 years sober, but because of change he drank again and was putting himself through guilt. Beating himself up for not doing things right. He was a well to do bussinessman, and he had gone through the same treatment center that I did, many years ago. I think God meant for us to be together. I shared with him about my many relapses, and how I've learned to learn the lessons in them. Not to beat yourself up to long about it, and most of all never give up on recovery. God doesn't make failures, but he does give us choices. Some people think great amounts of years of sobriety is all it's about, but it's not.'ve seen many people with twenty or so years, but I wouldn't give a nickle for their sobriety. Some people I've seen, I was even better while drinking. It's not good to compare. We all have our own path, and we need to find the one thats ours. This man said to that someone had asked him last week to speak at a meeting, but he wasn't sure if he wanted to now. I told him he should. That's what alcoholism is all about. Not just all success, but our struggles and hard times. That's reality. Things aren't always easy, and yea, we sometimes sqrew up, but we learn to go on. Thank you so much Lord.