Woke up feeling a little out of sorts. Had some weird dreams or some thing, about police, Karl, and drugs or something. Don't remember much, but I know it bothered me enough that I decided to get up and get busy. I feel lonely right now. Perhaps the season is starting to really come to life. I try not to get into that stuff, but I do notice others running around and getting ready for Christmas. It just kinda makes me realize how much I want a family, or someone to love. I do have people that I love, but they can't be here. I have Jimmy and Jet, and they are great, but I guess I still want more. Some would say that's the addict in me. The disease of more some call it. I felt like having a beer yesterday, but didn't. I started counting my change, but then I thought of all I would lose. Bob just bought me a whole bunch of food, because he wants to see me keep clean. My self respect would go. I would get all those awfull feelings of guilt, shame, fear, hoplessness, and on and on. I decided not to. I am glad to, because even feeling lonely right now is nothing compared to that horror. Going to my meeting today, and mayby paint the hallway again later. I need to get out more I think. I get to meetings, but most of the rest of my time is spent alone. It's good tho. Just can't expect everything to change in one night. Thank you Lord. God, I offer myself to you. To build with me and, do with me as you wish. Take Away my difficulties, so that victory over them may bare witness to those I would help of thy power, thy love, and thy way of life. May I do thy will always.