Been a few days I've been on here. Sorry to those that were wondering what was happening. I just needed to slow down a bit, and some time to get things straight. I found I was just doing way too much. Gets pretty hard at times. I'm still working hard, and very busy that way. I haven't had much time for myself tho, or to spend doing what I need to at home. All the chores like vacuming, taking care of the cats and cleaning has just been building up. Mostly all I'm doing is working, comming home and sleeping. Doesn't seem much of a life, but it's the way it is for now. I talked to Halton House last week, and I have a face to face interview on the tenth. Getting nervous because the time is getting closer. I went to my Dr and got put back on the Seraquil. I was really havibng a hard time with my thoughts going all the time. Funny how we forget sometimes what it really was like before. I feel much better now. Sleeping much better and my thoughts have calmed down. Still worry about things I need to do, but not as much. I'm on a lower dose than before. 100mg instead of three hundred. It seems to be good that way. I guess I really do need it. I feel much more calm anyway, and that's a blessing. Rent is already taken care of this month. Thats good. I have some money with Paul still, and it's growing slowly. At times I want to keep it myself, but I know I can't right now. I still have a lot of foolish thoughts about using, and if I had the money I would. I still like to have a few beers after work tho. That does bug me the next day. I would like to not drink at all, but at the end of the day I really want a few beers. I only have three because that's all I ask Paul for money for, but I know it's not good, but it's what seems to work for now. It might not be other people's view of recovery, but to hell with what others think. Their not the ones living in this body. Almost all my life I have used heavy, and drank hard. Right now I think it's much better than before. That's for sure. I'm not sticking needles in my arms anymore. Not getting drunk. It's not perfect, but at least I can live sensibly, with some functionality. I'm not stealing, or lieing, and I can be a pretty good person that others like. That's a good thing. Don't know if I'll ever be perfect, but at least I have the ability to try and live each day now. I get that feeling at times to use when I drink. Drinking seems to be what opens the door. Thats why I feel it's important to keep trying to get it out of my life.. I never want to use at all, until I drink. Without drinking I know I would never use. I feel guilty in the morning everyday when I wake up, because I'm supposed to be trying to stay away from it before I go to treatment, but I like that calmness that it brings to my mind at the end of the day. It seems to bring some peace. False peace, that isn't good, but it works for now. Jimmy and Jet are getting along well. Jimmy can be such a gentleman at times with her, but at other times he loves to jump on her and get her going. When they eat he is so polite with her. Lets her eat in peace, and won't touch her food until she's finished. I think his pestering her is good tho. He keeps her preocupied and she doesn't seem to care about going out much anymore. She has stopped howling to go out now. That's a good thing. I was going to buy a spray bottle for that, but I really didn't want to do that. So I got the place clean this morning. Going to work later, and tomorow start a new week. I'm going to write stuff down that I need to do so I can get it done. Much better when things are taken care of. Thats the problem. Just too many lose strings right now, and it gets me worrying, but otherwise things are good. Seem to be going alright. Be in treatment soon. Hopefully get some type of life, besides just working, and comming home. I hope. Thank you, Lord