Didn't sleep to well last night. It came off and on. My mind seems to really be working overtime. Just thinking far too much. So many things playing on me and worrying. Seems so silly tho. I know worrying doesn't do any good, but when my mind gets certain thoughts going on I find it scares me. I'm finding that life is scareing me a lot now. Seem to be worrying more and more about my future. As I'm getting older I'm finding it very hard to have any sense of security in anything. Jobs are very hard to get now. The economy seems to be getting worse day by day, and I just don't know what to do. I know I work for Bob and Paul now, and I am glad for that, but that won't always be. The odds are really against me in lots of ways because of the life I lived with drugs and alcohol. Years after certain events, I find I'm still experiancing the consequences. It really tries to get me into depression, but I'm fighting that. Just trying to hold on till I go to treatment. Hopefully soon. I missed another call in last night. Just so much nonsense on my mind that I can't keep track. Oh well, whats done is done. All I can do is keep trying. Going to welfare today. Hopefully they can help me out. My teeth have been having some pain, and I'm sure there is a cavity that needs removing, but I can't afford that. This is what I mean that things are scaring me. How do you take care of yourself without any insurance or benefits. It is scary. Hopefully when I get on E.I. I can get some kind of work training that will get me a half decent job that I can better look after things. God, please be with me.