Well, up for a bit with the cats. It's three in the morning and we all are wide awake. Started with me wanting a sandwich, then Jimmy wanted a snack to, and I couldn't eat without giving him something, then Jet came out, so I ended up opening a can of food for them to. It's a nice quiet nite out. So peacefull. I like when it's like this. had a real disapointing day today, so it's nice to have this time. Last week we spent about four days sanding all these hard wood floors in this house. Paul wanted to save them, and Bob wanted to just put new rug in, but Paul is stuborn sometimes. But we really worked hard on it. Paul rented a big sanding machine that cost a lot. For the past few days I was excited about going back to stain and varnish them. I wanted to see them glow and look good, but it didn't work out. I told Paul yesterday to get honey oak stain to cover the places we sanded bare. He didn't listen and got a dark stain, and the stains we sanded out in the first place ended up turning darker than they had been inj the first place, so the whole thing is fucked. I felt so bad after, especially for Paul. I knew he felt bad to. He really put a lot of money into it, and went all the way out. Now we have to try and bleach the stains out, and that might work so we can restain them. Paul really doesn't know about renovations. He likes to try, but he's more of an office person. Of well, nothing we can do now except try our best. If the worst comes we will have to laminate the floor instead. We will make it look good, one way or another, but it is disapointing. Dan was a real jerk with this other younger guy that came to help us this morning. Paul brought the guy to help Dan so the work can go faster, but Dan was in a stupid mood and wanted to work alone. He started giving the guy such a hard time. I could hear them upstairs and I almost came down to tell Dan off. I had met this guy at another apartment that I was painting. I sensed that he was a good kid from the start. The place he had was a shithole that really needed fixing, and he was trying to do it so him and his wife could move in. His wife is expecting a baby soon and I seen he was trying to make things nice for her. I love people like that and I tried hard to do my best for them. He a young guy trying to get together something that I always wanted to do. Have a family. I love when I see that, and then here's Dan. A down and out alcoholic, crack head treating him like a peice of shit. I understand Dan is sick, just like me, but to a differant degree. Dan is very sick, and I don't really think there is any hope for him. He's only in his late forties, but very pathetic. Lonely, miserable when sober, only wants to get high all the time, and never has a dime to his name. Pisses people off all the time with his bullshit, and ways. I do look at him tho, and it does show me what addiction really does to people. At times I see myself in him. The lying and conning yourself and others. The selfishness. Addiction is a very bad thing. He's been telling us he's registered for detox and going soon. I know it's bullshit tho. I went to detox plenty of times. You don't register anything, you just phone and go. I think he wants to, but the booze and stuff is stopping him. It'll do that. You wake up feeling so shit one day, and say"That's it. I'm going to detox and doing something about this shit." But as your head fumbles through the day, and your thoughts go all over, you soon lose focus and start feeling like you might be alright for a bit, at least for a couple of beers, and off again you go. "Mayby tomorow." And on and on. Before you know it a couple months have passed and your still saying the same things. I find the best is just do it, and don't think. My thinking is what has always gotten me drunk or high. Why would I trust that? Yup, I'm going to treatment, even tho I do question it a lot. I don't trust my thinking, but I know that. Thank you Lord, now give me some sleep.

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having the cats is great.......yet what about them both when you go to treatment???? Will they keep the apt for you???? just wondering if you wondered...