Getting hard to find time to do all the things I want. Busy with work all day till ten at night mostly, get up answer my messages on E-mail, mostly spam tho, do my journal as timed do my study courseke up a few times during the night since stopping the Seraquil, but I think it's worth it. I do miss the restfull sleep I used to get, but I seem to have a lot more energy back, and it shows in my work. I haven't been able to completly stop drinking, but I don't get drunk or messed up. I let Paul hang onto my money, because I know I can get into trouble if I had it. Mostly I have only two, or three beers when I finish work. I seem to just go, go,. go all day and when I finish I just want to get away and be quit before I sleep. I don't drink at home. I go ta the bar around the corner and just have my quit place alone where I can read the newspaper and not be bothered. Since starting my study, I have wanted to stop completly. I know drinking is wrong for me, and it keeps me seperated from God. I know I will stop soon. Just seems like I'm not ready yet. Same as smoking. I have tried quiting both, but it can really be so hardng these addiction can really be stressfull in lots of ways. I've quit the Seraquil, pain killers and all the other drugs I used to do, but alcohol is hard. I know it gives me a false sense of peace that is only temporary, and when it wears off it causes more problems than it's worth, but I need to do it when I'm ready. I have a lot to do in such a short time to be ready for treatment, so I'm just doing my best. Sounds a little like bullshit to me, because I know I can do better, but I guess I'm just not ready yet. Anyway, it will happen because I do want to have a relationship with God, and I can't do that and love something else to. God wants me to love him only, and it's just something I need to struggle with for now. Anyway, feeling pretty good. Things are going well, and I'm off to another day of making things beutifull for people that will live in the places I paint. That really is a wonderfull thing to be able to do. I like it very much. Thank you, Lord.