Just got off the phone with my brother in law. It was a little hard talking to him, but I told him I had no problem with him having custody off the kids. The only reason I'm doing it is that I know my wife would want that, and hell, I'm in no spot to take care of them. Besides who in their right mind would try to upset them after all these years. Sure as hell not me. I know their family can do far better than I could ever do. I told him the only thing was that I wanted to see my kids. He said that would go against my wifes wishes, but he would allow it. Now I feel afraid. So many years away. I know I would never say something bad, or try top give a sob story for anything. That was then, and this is now. I'm not the same person I was back then. Sure does hurt tho that my wife really felt that much anger towards me. If I could change things.... Get out of it. Should be happy, I suppose, but just scared.  Took my wife to die first before I could see my kids... Yea, right. That is not how I wanted it.