Well, home from work early because it's Friday. having a lot of thoughts about my wife all day. Pretty sad about it, but nothing I can do. It's just life. That's the way it is. So many things going through my mind about it. Last night I just sat thinking back about everything. Remembering things that I didn't remember before. It's so sad. My poor kids must be heart broken. I can't imagine how hard this was for them. Just kinda brings all this fear over me. Nothing is forever. You start to recover and you think everything is going to miraculously be good somehow. They use that word miracle in A.A. a lot. Just seems like those miracles I used to beleive in somehow turned into mere fantasies now, or just wishful thinking. Just don't know where they all went. Going to have a few beers tonight. Just don't want to think anymore right now. I want to just put everything on hold for now. I know it's no answer, but I just don't want to feel what I'm feeling right now. I'm at that point that I just want the world to go away for awhile.  Need a break. Tomorows another day, God willing.