Had a restless sleep last night. I was thinking about my wife all night, and my kids. Not sure about what to do. Don't know if I can handle seeing them if given the chance. I know for sure that I will give custody to my brother in law. That thought came right away. I have no right to try and interfere with their lives. They don't need anymore upset than they have already. I hated my brother in law back then, but this is now. I've changed, and I'm sure he has too. Life is not always good. I just hope, well I'm sure that she's in heaven with God. I really hope that we all go there. I would love that. To be with my mom, dad, and brother again, and to see my wife to tell her how really sorry I am for everything. Anyway, got some good news too. I heard from Cathy last night. That made me feel a lot better. Just a lot of stuff, and thinking too much about things. I really hate loseing friends that way. Never being able to talk to them again. That's awful, especially when you love them. Like my wife. All those years she never talked to me or answered any of my letters. I don't like that at all. If people can even see through their problems, life is just too short to stay angry at someone. I don't like it. It's alright to swallow your pride if it brings peace. All we ever have is today. Only this moment. Thank you Lord for this moment.