Just got home from work. Fridays they finish at 1:30, not bad. Still sanding today and my fingers are raw. had an accident today. I've been eating a lot more since working at this place and not drinking, and just after we started I had to take a crap. I was trying to wait until something opened, but I couldn't wait. I tried going to the library across the street, but it was closed. Then I tried running around to find some bushes, but everywhere I went there was people, so I found this out of the way doorway by the library and had to take my pants off, and my boots. So here I am standing there with my drawers off, and boots and this guy comes to return a book. I was waiting for him to say something, but he didn't. Good thing, because by this time I wasn't in the mood to be nice. Had to throw my shorts in the garbage, and then walk all the way to the mall to wash. I was pissed. What a frigging way to start the morning. I got back to our site and my partner started talking about wondering where I went, so I had to tell him the story. He laughed. I was so embaressed, but I got back to work anyway and after awhile I felt better again.Oh well, shit happens. The rest of the day was alright. I like my partner. He's a younger guy. About thirty, but he's alright. He's a relative of the owners, but still alright. We get along really good. They want us to work the weekend now at some emergency job. I got the feeling this is going to be a long summer, with lots of hours. That's alright with me. I sure can use the cash. I'm starting to think more of not going to treatment. It's still a possibility, but if things keep going well I might just hold off. I think all the shit that I have been through recently really shook me up. I seen where drinking and drugs can take me, and I don't want that. The last while was awful. I like now the direction things seem to be going in. Thyings are looking up, and I'm not about to fuck it up again. That was too hard. Anyway, I'll see. The thought of loseing everything, and s tarting all over again isn't that appealing to me. I don't trust Sheldon here either. He was telling me he would take care of everything, but he can't even take care of his shit now. Even after I cleaned the place, it's messy again. This time I'm giving him shit. There's no need for it. He's here in the morning, but he stays on the computer while his son gets into everything, and then he goes out. That ain't happening no more. The girl was here yesterday, and the kid was good. The problem is Sheldon. I think he just wants the kid because the money comes with that. The other day Bob was telling me that welfare was calling him because Sheldon put in that he's paying $650.00 a month rent so he can get an extra hundred and fifty bucks. When we talked about this it was on the presumption that it would be while I was in treatment, if and when that happens. That isn't even near yet. I still have papers to fill out at the Dr's to get faxed to the counseling place. Bob was telling me something about Sheldon getting three hundred or something. Bob was saying something about he wants a hundred from it, and a hundred for me. I listened, but I don't want no part of that. It's getting money fraudulantly from the government. No thank you. I have no problems getting myself into trouble without others helping me. My probation finishes in Febuary 2010, and I don't want no more. Shit, I've been on probation almost all my life. That's enough. Now that I'm working I don't even need Sheldon here. If he wants to do shit with Bob, that's up to him, but leave me out. I'm getting to be a little tough in my old age, but people like Bob, and Sheldon need to be told where to go sometimes. The both of them seem like manipulators. I was almost going to go for it when Bob was telling me about it, but then after I thought about it. No way. I don't trust Bob, or Sheldon. I don't even want to know anything. I just want to live a simple life, without anymore bullshit. Go to work, come home, wash, mayby a meeting or so, go out once in awhile, pay my bills, and not worry when my head hits the pillow. Right now things are going in that direction, and next week I'll see if my work is alright with me having a record. I'm sure I'm not the only one. I was thinking today too, that the reason I feel so good now about being in the work I like, I'm with other people like me. We swear a bit, we joke, we work hard and watch for each other, but we do our jobs. That other job was a joke. I shouldn't be working in a place like that. Getting shit for farting the wrong way all the time, other workers always ratting you out for anything. That's not my enviroment. I hated it most of the time. The only thing I liked was the pay check every two weeks, and some benefits. I'm very happy that I have this job. I don't have to watch my back with people. It's good top be with workers like me. I'm having fun now, and enjoying it. Even if I crap myself, it's alright. Thank you Lord.