Well, I still seem stressed to the max lately. The other day I blew up at Bob because he came around four to pick me up. I was really fit to be tied that day. Really not like me. Today too I blew up again. Something is definetly wrong. I was working with Dan from downstairs today and he smelled so bad, like he shit himself. I don't like to say things because I figure people should know, but obviously I have a lot of people around me that don't think that way. It pissed me off to today because Bob tells me to cut a rug for this apartment. I take it, measure it, take it upstairs, and then the guy there doesn't want a rug in the first place. So I roll it up, take it back down again. Then Dan wants help moving a fridge to the other side of the yard. I start doing it, then they want to go to the other side. I just dropped the fridge and told them to go fuck themselves. Those same famouse words that got me fired in the first place. Then Bob's son starts giving me shit about my attitude. I told him I thought my attitude was pretty good for working with a guy that smells like he shit himself all day, fucking around with a carpet that a guy didn't want in the first place, fucking with a heavy fridge from one side of the yard to the other. I think my attitude still was pretty good, even tho I apologized, only out of respect and politeness after I calmed down. These guys just don't have their act together, and yea, that bothers me. Sorry, I had to just have some fun now. Crazy Karl was outside doing his usual screeming at Carlo's, and I couldn't resist throwing a pot of water out the window on him. He's screeming like a woman now. Now back to about my attitude, yes, I do think something is changing with me. It's like i don't seem to care much anymore. i know I'm not happy, and never have been in Kitchener, but I also think a lot of it has to do with Sheldon and his kid here now. To me it just seems really ridiculous the way he's raising him up. I've kept my mouth shut so far, but this has to stop. It's affecting me way too much. Sometimes when he's here, I find myself just having to go to the bar for a beer or two, and that's really all I have, I'm a cheap drunk, but I know that drinking isn't good for me, but I just have to get away from the craziness. I find Sheldon sleeping on the toilet, I find him on the floor in the living room, at the computer, everywhere. He stays up till around three or four on the computer, and then he tries to keep sleeping while his kid wakes up at 8 in the morning. He doesn't get home with the kid until after twelve usually. 11pm at the earliest. Kids should be in bed when their three, at 9 at the latest. Kid gets up and gets into everything. My frigging place is all upside down now. I can't find a thing. Kids going to get into something bad some day. He's already got ahold of a box razor cutter one day and cut the whole side of his play pen out. Even as I'm writting this, I see another box cutter right beside the computer. He talks as if he's trying to be the best father, and has all the kids best intentions, but it's not so. Somethins wrong with this guy, but he doesn't drink or do drugs. I was talking to Dillon today about everything, because I just don't know what to do. I need him right now to help with the rent, but it's becomming a big cost to my state of mind. I can' sleep in or get real rest. I always find myself wanting to get up before Stephan to avoid his games. Hate to say it, but he's a little basterd with Sheldon, because Sheldon lets him. Whatever Sheldon tells him, he does the opposite. The times when I get fed up and step in, he listens and does exactly what I tell him. So it's not like he doesn't understand or anything. It's just a game he knows he can play with Sheldon. I talked to Dillon tonight about it. I had to. Dillon says he even leaves the kid with new people there while he goes out for a smoke. Fuck, that place gets all kinds of people. It's a sobriety center. Could be anyone, and he leaves the kid with them. Somethings definetly wrong with this boy. Big time. I told Dillon mayby he should drink at night so he can go to bed at a proper time, instead of three in the morning. Mayby I should cut off the computer, or something. I just don't know. I really don't want this shit in my life, or around me. Even at my worst times with drugs and drinking I wasn't like this guy. Somehow I always got undressed and into bed, and most times to work in the morning. Gotta go to the Dr's tomorow so he can check my T.B. test for rehab. That's a pain in the ass going there on Sunday morning. Bus service will be so slow. Oh well. Has to be be tter days ahead. Just has to be.